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August 2003 News Archive

But it's the middle of the night! G&T's on downtime!

Posted by Ian Symes. Wednesday 3rd August 2003.

Wah!Yes, it's true. We're leaving you. We hate you all, so we're shutting the site down. We are, however, re-opening it shortly afterwards. The site will be down from 21:00 on Thursday 4th September until 04:00 on Friday the 5th. And we expect you all to hang around until four o'clock in the morning, frantically hitting the refresh button, awaiting the return of your favourite site. What is more likely, however, is that you won't even notice we're gone. You set of bastards.

The reason for this downtime is simple: the fabled relaunch we've been promising for a while. Relax, gentlemen, you are quite safe...

Series III extras listed on BBFC

Posted by Ian Symes. Sunday 31st August 2003.

Oh, it's all kicking off now. There I was, idly browsing the British Board of Film Classification's website, when I noticed that the bloody Series III DVD extras are on there!

Here's a quick rundown: Hattie's DJ Diary will last for nine minutes and four seconds. That's about 2.17 seconds for each attendee! The Mel Bibby tribute, Building a Better Universe will last for almost exactly eight minutes - one minute fifteen for each series that he worked on! Next up, the Food featurette will last for 3 minutes 35 seconds, which, funnily enough, is more or less the same length as James Brown's I Got You (I Feel Good). Utter glee: 26 minutes and 41 seconds of deleted scenes! That's more or less an entire episode's worth of material! The final straightforward extra is 5 minutes and 34 seconds worth of Smeg Ups.

Now, here's the interesting bits. There's an extra listed called 'RED DWARF - POLYMORPH', which lasts for eleven minutes and seventeen seconds. Is this the Rob/Doug/Ed Six of the Best easter egg? The previous ones were only a few minutes long. It's certainly baffling. If it's not the easter egg, I don't know what it is. Next, another odd one - a bonus deleted scene for Polymorph, lasting just 24 seconds. Very weird - why isn't it just part of the main deleted scenes feature? It may be an easter egg. But then, given that there's only going to be three easter eggs, what are the three 'untitled' pieces, lasting one minute sixteen seconds, sixteen seconds and thirty-five seconds? Are they menus? Are they trailers? Why were they submitted without names? We simply don't know.

So far, the All Change documentary and the raw effects footage have not been listed. Backwards - Forwards, however, was listed some months ago. The isolated music cues and talking book chapters are also unlisted, but then, they were never listed for the Series I and II DVDs. Hopefully, the remaining bits will show up in the next couple of days.

Ian's Newsround - ARGH!

Posted by Ian Symes. Friday 29th August 2003.

Insert top-notch comedy here, just to satisfy Matt Drizzly Miller's pathetic needs. Cunt.Where do I begin? The official site has updated with three news items, all of huge importance and have been anticipated for months. Ippy-dippy, my spaceshippy, on a course so true, past Neptune and Pluto's moon the one I choose is... the Series IV DVD cover. Hooray!

The full version (front and back) of the cover has been released, and top workaholic Andrew Ellard has posted an all-encompassing news article, covering all the speculation that's been going on for the past few weeks. He revealed that it was Doug Naylor's idea to break from the original plan of red-blue-green-red-blue-green-red-blue, and thank God for him. It would have been rubbish, thinking about it. Plus, people were bound to have been confused to see up to three damn-near identical covers in the shops. As for the image of Lister painting: hmmm. It doesn't quite work, for me. What is he supposed to be painting, exactly? The cut-off is a tad messy, but Ellard does point out that this isn't the final version, merely a draft. It could be fixed by Febuary, plus it's not really fair to judge a pic as small as this. But still: hmmm. I do, however, agree with Ellard's proposal of a combination of red and silver foil for the logo. As for what should be used for Series V - the Enlightenment, clearly. Finally, RDZ have excellently pointed out that the full extras list has been revealed by this picture. No surprises, but it's nice to see. No idea what the word after 'Can't Smeg Won't Smeg' is, though.

Norman Lovett's website has finally been launched, two months after the original 'Late June' date. He may not be fast, but he gets there in the end. Thanks. The site uses image maps, and the ALT text does not reveal what is said on these images. Consequently, the site is useless to anyone who uses a speaking browser. Yes, it looks quite nice, but if some people can't access it, what's the point? Plus, I am legally obliged to point out that one of the quotes in the ALT text is a line spoken by Hattie Hayridge. As for the content itself, it's rather good. Norm gives his definitive account of his Red Dwarf experiences, and promises to bring us news on the Movie. The latest: "I don't know what is happening at the moment". Great. The biography page seems very complete, but it would be nice to have some comments about the programmes he's been involved in, rather than just a list. Hold on a minute... Norman wasn't in The Goodies!. Oh, it's a shop. The gallery is excellent, with some good snidey comments, and the family page is quite good. Norm's missus is a babe. Fair play to him.

Next up, Brittas Series Two menu shots! These are excellent; amusing and highly original. I particularly love the main menu, which takes the form of a daily goal list, with the menu options included in the prose. OK, some of these are a little contrived, but it's very funny and I haven't seen this idea used before. Also, the chapter selection menu will take the form of Polaroids inside lockers. This idea was hinted at in an old DVD Details article, and Andrew confirms that Starbug's lockers will indeed feature on the Series III and IV DVDs! I wonder if one of them will be a double Polaroid...

And finally, Mr. Flibble has interviewed Paul Grant, the photographer for Series III. I was hoping that the penguin would ask Paul why his photos could not be cleared for use on the official site until recently, but it never came up. Nevertheless, it's a good interview.

This, then, is the last of my newsrounds. Under the new news system, launching next week, each individual story will be given its own article, rather than being lumped together in one big one. This will mean more updates and more space being given to each story. This is John Craven, G&T News, signing off. Goodnight.

Rob Grant's Incompetence

Posted by Ian Symes. Thursday 28th August 2003.

Have I done the Dark Ages joke yet?No, I'm not talking about Dark Ages!!!!!1 This is Rob Grant's latest novel, which is not due for release until December. However, under the cover of Darkness (I disguised myself by dressing as Justin Hawkins), I managed to break into Rob's house, being careful not to disturb Doug's snoozing, satisfied wife, and swipe a proof copy for myself. Okay, I bought it on eBay. It was much easier that way. Anyway, the upshot of all of these exploits is this: a preview. Rest assured, there are no major spoilers, so you are safe to dive in willy-nilly.

In other news, The Propstore of London have added yet more Red Dwarf items to their already top-notch selection. For me, the highlight is a Series IV Cat Costume, used in Dimension Jump and Meltdown, which is going for a mere 1,015. Sadly, this is out of my price range - I can't afford that extra fifteen quid. A relative bargain can be found in a copy of Morris Dancer Monthy magazine from Krytie TV - just 235. How's about that, Bargain Hunters? Next up, quite possibly the most stupid item on display: a Red Dwarf logo on a bit of black card for 195. I mean, for fuck's sake. For the same price, you can get an item of genuine loveliness - Lister's Zero G magazine cover/poster. Wow, frankly. Also lovely, but a tad more expensive, is Kochanski's beige Series VIII uniform (only worn in Back in the Red, if I recall correctly), for 779. Chloe Annett has worn this. I only hope it hasn't been washed.

In other news, our little diary section has been updated, with dates for the London Expo and a rough estimate of next year's Dimension Jump. Oh, and Marooned is on the telly tonight! One of the best episodes ever, clearly.

Expo-nentially more.

Posted by Ian Symes. Wednesday 27th August 2003.

What a tiny logoOn the surface, this is good news. Chris Barrie is to appear at the London Expo on the 18th and 19th of October. This is yet another chance for the fans to chat to their rival, and get another piece of their merchandise signed. Marvellous. However, as Chief Winged News Monkey Tracy Brennan points out, the last we heard on the Movie was that it will start shooting in Australia in October. Admittedly, we didn't get an exact date, but the 18th is a little too close for comfort. We hope to God that Chris will fly out pretty soon after his appearance at the Expo, but if not... well, it doesn't bare thinking about. The consequences could be dreadful.

Speaking of dreadful things, new pictures of the Red Dwarf and Starbug Corgi models have been posted on Big Blake. Now, in fairness, the Starbug one doesn't look too bad. Not quite as clean-loosfkfing as the Playset version, but they've done a good job with it. The Red Dwarf one, however, is FUCKING ATROCIOUS. I'm having difficulty remembering a worse piece of merchandise. Aside from the fact that Corgi have based their design on that of a big red pencil, just look at the scoop. It's tiny. The ship itself isn't an eighth as detailed as the one we see on telly. We didn't expect a scale reconstruction, but we didn't expect it to be as plain and bare as this. I am incandescent with rage.

In other news, the Holy Trinity of us, Back in the Red and The White Hole are continuing to prosper. Cappsy has added some excellent downloads of Norman Lovett's stand-up. Well, I assume they're excellent. I wish I had fucking broadband. Meanwhile, Matt has hosted some, quite frankly, disturbing pictures of last Saturday's fan club Manchester Meet. In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to, on behalf of John and I, thank Matt, Joey, Karl, Curtis, Mick, Nicky, Dan and Snip for a thoroughly excellent evening. And as for G&T's latest big thing, you'll see on the 4th September...

This can be yours!

Posted by Ian Symes. Monday 25th August 2003.

Matt Drizzly Miller? I shit 'im.Yes, as every website under the sun (well, Big Blake and RDZ) has reported, the Starbug Playsets are now ready to pre-order! It's at Galaxy 4 for a very reasonable 29.99. However, Galaxy 4 lose marks for the following: they won't allow you to register with an e-mail address that ends in .info and they think that 'Crighton' is a Red Dwarf character. But enough snideyness - the Playset is excellent. It looks to be a very nice piece of merchandise, and I can't wait to see which sounds from the series will be used.

In other news, the following details have been released about next year's Dimension Jump: 1) it won't be in Coventry, 2) it'll be somewhere in the South and 3) it will be in the first half of 2004. This is bad news - the hotel used for the last two years is excellent. Plus, a Midlands location is the fairest possible venue for fans. There are reports that the cast aren't keen on travelling too far from London - but at least they can afford to do so, unlike a lot of fans. But still, the hotel and location are arbitary I suppose - it's the guests that are the main thing. Will Craig Charles get off his overpaid, fat arse this time? Stay tuned!

Over the last few days, John and I have been hinting at a G&T relaunch in various forums, and indeed in news updates. Well, I can exclusively reveal that it's happening within the next fortnight, and it will be very, very good. The main feature will be a little form, which will allow you to add your comments to each and every news story and article. We hope this will be a popular idea - most sites only have a forum or a guestbook, which aren't as convenient when you want to post your reaction to a specific piece of writing.

Also, I'd just like to say - John is wrong, and he smells of poo and wee. The Series IV cover looks great to me. It'll be interesting to see whether the theme of Lister painting on the back cover will be continued - it's difficult to see how this would be implemented on an interior picture. But, for me, as well as most other fans, the cover looks great. So John can fuck off.

Series IV DVD Cover Preview

Posted by John Hoare. Sunday 24th August 2003.

The Red Dwarf IV DVD CoverThe Red Dwarf Zone does it again - they've noticed that The Red Dwarf Shop UK now have the Red Dwarf IV DVD listed - with a preview of the cover art for Regions 2 and 4. RDZ have pointed out the interesting fact that it says "The Entire Fourth Series" rather than "Original" at the bottom of the cover, as there was no Re-mastering of the fourth series. They have also noticed that the logo appears in full colour, rather than silver as in the previous DVDs. There was plenty of speculation on the Official Webboard when it was announced that the Series IV cover would not revert back to Red Dwarf like Series I after all - one of the more popular suggestions was that it could be of Ace Rimmer's ship, although this was refuted by Andrew Ellard on the webboard a while back. It's impossible to tell whether the cover works or not from a small image - I absolutely love the idea, but I'm not sure it's quite as clean and stylish as the previous covers; it looks slightly messy. But I'll reserve judgement until I see a bigger version. The shop also indicated that a specific release date for the IV DVD has not yet been set; it's still "sometime in February 2004". Andrew Ellard has said on the Official Webboard that there will be a new DVD Details article on the III and IV covers next week.

Whilst we're on about what Ellard is saying on the official webboard, he has corrected us (or, rather, all fan sites - but we were the ones who were the source) on something rather important - neither of the the laser etched Stabugs are currently avaliable. We said the big one was now shipping; that information was direct from The Stamp Centre itself, but is wrong - the theory is that "someone got confused about their Dr Who laser-etchings, which ARE avaliable now". Apparently, "they're on their way, but haven't been produced and packaging is still awaiting final approval (and, indeed, designing!)". We're extremely sorry about this - it's not really our fault, as we did contact The Stamp Centre themselves to get the latest on them, but we still hate publishing duff information. This is the problem with running a fan site; we simply haven't got access to all the information that (obviously) GNP have. All we can do is try and be as informative and accurate as possible within the constraints we are under. Mind you, there's obviously not much we could have done in this particular instance; if The Stamp Centre themselves don't know what's going on, fuck knows how we are supposed to...

Next, kudos to The White Hole for getting something really special - an interview with Robert Llewellyn. It's a fascinating interview; he mentions "There won't be a 9th series" (pretty much what we all expected), and that the movie is "very much in the lap of the bankers" - confirming what Craig said that "money is still a stumbling block". Please, please let's hope that the rumours of an October shooting date turn out to be true; I couldn't bear it if the movie was delayed again.

Another update from us tomorrow. A whole week with an update every day? It's possible, if you let all the other fansites do all the work, and then just nick it. Hooray!

Son of Cliché

Posted by John Hoare. Saturday 23rd August 2003.

A piccy of a radio, there.

"We present Son of Cliché, written by Rob Grant and Doug Naylor. Starring Christopher Barrie, Nick Maloney and Nick Wilton. Music by Peter Brewis. The series was produced by Alan Nixon."

Yes, hail the launch of our brand new section, on Son of Cliché - a Rob and Doug Radio 4 sketch show, the first broadcast of which was 20 years ago to the day. Enjoy our in-depth sketch-by-sketch episode guide, and expect plenty more soon; including an article detailing jokes and ideas that were later recycled in Red Dwarf, trivia notes, transcripts, and loads more.

Another update tomorrow. Blimey, we're doing well, recently...

Bwa-ha-ha: John's Newsround!

Posted by John Hoare. Friday 22nd August 2003.

John's Newsround logo. Smirk.John's Newsround? Yes. Whilst Ian was fitting a DVD-ROM drive to his computer today, he, erm, managed to break something. Therefore, he's not on the net, and it's left to me to do this week's newsround. I'd laugh my head off and spend ages slagging him off, but I'm on my backup computer at the moment as I broke my computer last week by poking out the reset button with a screwdriver. WE ARE COMPETENT, HONEST.

Anyway, a great update to the official site today. Firstly, their Cast & Crew list has also been updated with the info for the last four series, including the names of uncredited extras. It's superb - did anyone else know that The Official Red Dwarf Companion writer Bruce Dessau was a GELF extra in Emohawk? There is also some fascinating info about Epideme - four unused actors are listed: John Gower (as King Soloman), Mike O'Mally (as Einstein), Ian Masters (as Herbert J. Spilliker), and Helen Leigh (as Caroline Carmen's Arm). This would indicate a fairly major scene cut out. And in Terrorform, the James Last (ha ha!) version of Copacabana was only used on the first transmission... I could go on. Great stuff, that only truly anal fans would be interested in. Excellent.

Next, the offical site reports on Red Dwarf appearing on the Canadian channel BBC Kids, with an excellent headline (although it would have been better if the joke wasn't ruined by acknowledging it at the start of the article). We reported on this a while back, but as usual GNP have obviously got rather more details than we managed to scrounge. Unfortunately, the poor Canadians have to put up Re-mastered shite; and I have to say that the jolt between a Re-mastered Series III and your normal Series IV would confuse the hell out of me if I didn't know what was going on. It's an odd situation when (apart from Japan), you have the original series going out on DVD, and the Re-mastered version clogging up the airwaves. Anyway, enough ranting; check out the schedule details. Excellently, there is also now a UK section of the Dwarf Tracker (nice new graphics, too). Honestly, what with this and the crew list, the official site is beating us at everything. Wah.

There's also news of Norm's latest show (Thursday September 4th, at the Norwich Arts Centre). And should arrive "any day soon". Yay! Finally, there is news on the Brittas Series II DVD, which we've already covered earlier in the week - though it's noticable that even GNP have commented on the rather strange cover. Never mind; I'm just estatic that it's being released. Brittas is so underrated...

Check back tomorrow for a content update, involving our much trailed brand new section. Hooray!

More Movie Rumblings

Posted by John Hoare. Thursday 21st August 2003.

Red Dwarf: The Movie Logo

A bit of movie news, from our esteemed winged-news-monkey-in-chief, Tracey Brennan. Today's Daily Mail contains the following short item:

Will the Red Dwarf movie be as popular as the hit BBC series? Chris Barrie, aka pompous hologram Rimmer, believes so. He tells me: 'All the cast from the TV series will be in it, but there will be a fresh storyline for people who aren't aware of the programme. There's no shortage of ideas, so I don't see why there can't be a series of films - though obviously it depends on how popular the first one is.'

Nothing we don't already know, of course - but at this point, with no information coming from GNP and production apparently so close to starting, we'll take anything we can get. It's yet more confirmation that things are happening, which is good.

The only other bit of news tonight is about Back In The Red; it continues its run of updates. I also forgot to mention yesterday that The White Hole has promised that "something big is brewing", but "that's all I'm saying for now". Cun... I mean, we look forward to it. Ian's Newsround is tomorrow (which will also include a new addition to our sadly recently-neglected DVD section) - and remember, our new section is launching Saturday...

“...we've been armed. Laser etchings.”

A laser etched Starbug, avaliable now. I've just cum.

Sorry to keep droning on about this, but what about - THE LASER ETCHED STARBUGS! Eddie, from The Stamp Centre kindly got in touch to inform us that the large one, as pictured, is now in stock. It costs 24.95, and it looks worth every penny. The illuminated keyring version, costing 7.95, still has licensing problems - it will be avaliable in about 6-8 weeks. Also, there will be a large Red Dwarf etched piece avaliable, hopefully at the end of the month - we'll bring you news of that when it's avaliable. Excellent - The Stamp Centre really does make some beautiful stuff. Our only problem with their range is the new model of Red Dwarf they use, but that happens, irritatingly, everywhere you go now.

Next, news that The White Hole has updated with a brand new feature: Merchandise Reviews. Currently, there are reviews of the new lines of Red Dwarf tops. Excellent, although personally I'd say that anyone who sniggers behind someone's back at the old T-shirt "Let's Get Out There And Twat It" really just shows how pathetic the person who is sniggering is rather than reflecting anything on the design; that T-shirt was great. Just because the new T-shirts are less in-your-face, I don't think it makes them better. There's no denying that the latest Series VII/VIII design T-shirts were pretty poor, though (FUCK OFF 'SMEGG HEAD' FUCK) - and the new designs are fantastic, and a vast improvement on those.

As for us, we've added a nice little Latest News box at the top of the DVD, Movie and Brittas sections. Those of you who follow G&T will know all the latest anyway, but this is part of our plan to EDUCATE those who appear on various forums asking what's going on, without finding out for themselves. Twats. We'll have another content update tomorrow night, Ian's Newsround on Friday, and the launch of a wonderful brand new section on Saturday. Hooray!


Posted by John Hoare. Tuesday 19th August 2003.

G&T News logo. A bad rip-off of the ITN one. How good. News, here. More Red Dwarf items are being added to The Prop Store of London. New items for sale since the article on the official site include: Cat's costume from Meltdown, the book "How To Get More Girls By Hypnosis" from Parallel Universe, Rimmer's swimming certificate as used in the bunkroom between Series III-V, the pop-up Karma Sutra from Me², an amazing item confusingly or amusingly (depending on your viewpoint) named Rimmer World, which is the actual model dome used at the start of Dimension Jump (and again in The Inquisitor), Bongo's uniform, also from Dimension Jump, and Rimmer's costume from Ouroboros. Mr Flibble's interview with Stephen Lane of the Prop Store makes it clear there is plenty more to come, so keep checking back. Even if, like us, you have nowhere near enough money to buy anything, there's still masses of trivia in the description of the items to keep you interested. And aroused.

Next, news on the beautiful laser etched Starbugs. Having reported on licensing problems at the start of the month, we got in contact with The Stamp Centre to find out the latest situation; they have been "delayed for 6/8 weeks roughly". When that means they'll actually be avaliable, we don't know, but it's good to hear that they are going to get to market, and the problems weren't insurmountable.

Fansite news. Back In The Red has updated with yet another new logo, and a few bits of new stuff: the highlight being an article on Toby Aspin, who played Lee Harvey Oswald in Tikka To Ride. Ian's Series I DVD Review has also been reuploaded after a short absence; don't forget you can also read G&T's review here. Meanwhile, we have added a new section to G&T that hopefully will last longer than the ATVRD and Schedule ones; a Diary, giving dates for all the upcoming Dwarfy happenings. We'll have another update Thursday.

Finally, a request. As Ian mentioned a few days ago, I'm currently in the middle of redesigning G&T to make it better. Better designed, better content, better... better. Just, just better. The whole site is to be made far prettier, interactive, and accessible. Excellent. So, if you have any ideas or suggestions for the redesign, especially an idea for a feature you'd really like to see, e-mail me at At this point, I'd like to say "IT'S YOUR SITE!", but it isn't. It's ours. So fuck off.

Ian's Newsround - Some bits. Also: bobs.

Posted by Ian Symes. Saturday 16th August 2003.

John Craven? I shit him.Mucho activity on the fansites over the last couple of days, so we might as well start by detailing our own snivelly little updates. Following on from the Craig Charles interview, as reported on below, we've updated our Rumour Tracker and DVD & Movie FAQ documents. I might as well reveal now that this time next week there'll be a new section on G&T, which we've been keeping under wraps for a while. We'll give you a clue: it's not about Red Dwarf...

Much more exciting things are going down at Groovetown at the moment - Rick has reported that he's totally renovated his search facility and his forums. Now, the Groovetown forums are the only unofficial Red Dwarf ones that either of us bother with (ATVRD doesn't count), and this update only serves to reinforce this excellence. Better still - Rick has further plans up his sleeve - he wants to expand the search facility to include other fan sites. This is great - a search engine that is both totally Red Dwarf-dedicated, yet still has quite a wide range. We're looking forward to that a lot.

As virtually every fansite has already mentioned, the second series of The Brittas Empire is now available to pre-order. The DVD will be released on 20th October, a fortnight before Red Dwarf III, in a lovely blue box. Incidentally, the picture on the front cover looks very odd. I don't recall the episode where Brittas got a perm. Oh well. The extras are a quiz, a GMTV interview with the cast, the ever-important weblinks, a star profile and a stills gallery. Well, seven episodes of vintage Brittas on a pair of shiny discs - anything else is just greediness.

Over on the official site this week, a multitude of small updates. There's news on the next Friday's release of the grammar-busting Lara Croft: Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life, an interview with Stephen Lane, the chap behind The Great Red Dwarf Prop Sale and news on Norman and Hattie's forthcoming appearance at Dragon*Con. You lucky, lucky Americans. Well, we get Dimension Jump, so up yours.

Finally, we'd like to make our excuses in advance for a bit of a dip in update frequency, which will happen for the next few weeks. John is hard at work on redesigning the site, the main feature of which is an excellent, yet fiddly to programme, news system. And this week I'll be finishing off our secret new section, launching 23rd August. Which is also the day that John and I will be getting pissed in Manchester. Hooray!

“...It looks like it's finally going to happen”

Posted by John Hoare. Thursday 14th August 2003.

Red Dwarf: The Movie LogoMOVIE RUMBLINGS! Craig Charles has given an interview with Teletext's TV Plus, revealing all kinds of juicy titbits - and another starting date for the production. It's not usually G&T policy to cut and paste other site's news articles; but Teletext seem to get rid of the stories on the site after a certain amount of time, so the full article is reproduced here:

Craig's Red Dwarf dream
by Derek Robins
Craig Charles is set to achieve his Red Dwarf dream this autumn when work begins on a long-awaited movie version of BBC2's sci-fi comedy.
The 39-year-old, who plays Dave Lister, says the 12m film is due to start shooting in Australia in October for four months with the regular cast.
He tells TV Plus: "It's been five years in the melting pot and it looks like it's finally going to happen. The script is excellent and everyone is looking forward to making it."
Craig says there is huge anticipation for the forthcoming project: "The makers, Winchester Films, have already provisionally sold it to Australia, Britain and Japan and it should do well in America as it's shown on US TV.
"Money is still a stumbling block but I think BBC Worldwide is putting cash into it. The budget of 12m is massive for a non-Hollywood movie."
Craig will take his family to Australia for the four months it will take to make the film. He and wife Jackie will take kids Hannah Jo, five, and Nellie, five months, and he says: "Hannah Jo will go to school there, it's important that my family are with me."
The film will reunite Craig with Red Dwarf regulars Chris Barrie (Rimmer), Danny John-Jules (Cat), and Robert Llewellyn (Kryten). The show is currently being repeated by BBC2.
The actor is busier than ever, even though the BBC2 comedy ended after 11 years in 1999.
Craig, who made eight series of the show, is also the host of the hugely popular Robot Wars which has just switched from BBC2 to five.
He also has a guest role in BBC1 daytime soap Doctors this autumn and hosts satellite channel Bravo's Ripley's Believe It Or Not and Challenge TV's Takeshi's Castle.
RECEIVED: 14/08/2003 13:36:03

Fantastic news, there. A few points: as usual, none of this is confirmed by GNP. So until it is, you know the score; it might be utter bollocks. However, both Craig and Teletext are reputable sources, so I would say we can probably take this article as giving the current state of play for the movie. This is the first time October has been mentioned as a starting date for the production; the last specific date we heard it was late September, so the schedule appears not to have slipped too much, despite fan fears. What with a time period for the cast being in Australia also being mentioned (four months), it would appear that most of the plans are now in place.

The only slightly worrying thing in the report is Craig mentioning that "money is still a stumbling block" - interesting news about BBC Worldwide, though. Also: the assumption in the article that the TV series is over is slightly premature. Whilst we would guess that there will be no more TV adventures for the Dwarfers, Doug Naylor hasn't yet ruled it out completely. Anyway, let's hope nothing goes wrong, and the movie finally gets off the ground. Please?

Ian's Newsround will be on Saturday, along with a big revision for the DVD and Movie FAQ and the movie Rumour Tracker.

Waiting For Capsules

Posted by Ian Symes. Tuesday 12th August 2003. Again.

This is the third time we've used this picture, you know.Yes, you've been waiting a long time. But fear not - we've got a bumper update of three entire capsules today! We can now bring you the concluding three episodes of Series I - Waiting For God, Confidence and Paranoia and Me²! This means that after we've done a couple of extra bits for Me², we can finally move onto Series II!

In other news, Red Dwarf has been nominated for the BBC's Britain's Best Sit-Com. This will be a worthwhile programme, and not just an excuse to show Del Boy falling through the bar again. Oh no. Anyway, viewers have to vote for a mere ten sit-coms, from a practically pre-determined and non-negotiable list of 100 (you can nominate only one of your own choosing that isn't on the list. Woop-de-fucking-doo). Frankly, I can't be arsed.

Also, Back in the Red have reported on Craig Charles's latest short film, Ten Minutes. Despite its title, it actually lasts 17 minutes, but the synopsis does look interesting. It's co-directed by Nick Mole, who you might recognise from his role as the UK producer of Takeshi's Castle. The man's obviously a Craig Charles fan.

Finally, a big ol' thankyou to our pal Rob Sedgebeer, who has linked to G&T on the front page of NOTBBC. If you look to your left, you'll see that we've returned the favour. Can you feel the love?

Ooch-aye! Memorabilia!

Posted by John Hoare. Tuesday 12th August 2003.

A humourous picture of a Scottish man. Because the next Memorabilia is in Glasgow, see? Ahahah! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!Aaaaah, lots of lovely Dwarf news for you. Firstly, news of the next Memorabilia event (from the ever-wonderful Tracey Brennan), held this month on Saturday 23rd (10am - 5pm) and Sunday 24th (11am - 5pm) at the SECC in Glasgow. Adults are 5 and children are just 3.50, making it cheaper than the NEC event. The reason we're telling you this of course is that Craig Charles and Chris Barrie are appearing there once more (again, Craig is there just for the Saturday). Me and Ian won't be there, as we'll be getting PISSED in MANCHESTER, but I heartily recommend you go - last time we went was our first time, and it's bloody fantastic.

Next, Don Warrington (Binks in Holoship, and Philip in Rising Damp) appears in the video for the new So Solid Crew song Broken Silence. I was going to do lots more research on this, but I tend to agree with my esteemed colleague - as he told me on IRC tonight:

<IanIanSymes> So Solid don't deserve research.
<IanIanSymes> They deserve a slap.

Next, a load of news cribbed from Nicholas Fitzpatrick has noticed that Red Dwarf is showing in Canada on BBC Kids, starting on 12:30 AM Eastern time on September 1st. This is a quite frankly bizzare scheduling decision; Doctor Who sometimes occupies the same slot, but at least that is ostensiably a kids show. Ah well, more Dwarf showing in the world is good. You might also want to have a look at this thread. Not that we'd ever condone something so illegal. Oh no.

Convention news. Starchild (or Mike Leneski if you want to be boring) has informed everyone that Norman Lovett, Hattie Hayridge, and Robert Llewellyn will all be at Dragon*Con 2003, held in Atlanta in the good old USA between August 29th and September 1st. If you can't make it this year, Dragon*Con are trying to get more Dwarf people for 2004. Excellent, frankly. Looking at their website, I am now crying into my computer that I can't afford to go. Bah.

Finally, a round-up from the other Dwarf fansites. Groovetown have got something wonderful with their news story on Danny's RI:SE appearance, and we're not just talking about the excellent link to us (ta, Rick). If you missed it, or if you want to hear it again and didn't record it, they've got an audio file of it for download. They also have news on Patrick Moore's latest project. I hope you're all also checking out Back In The Red as well; since their recent redesign, they have had lots more regular updates. Hooray!

As for us, sorry the promised content update wasn't up yesterday; but there should be one later today, and another Thursday. Don't forget to contact us if you have any Dwarf news. We love you all. Mmmwah!

Ian's Newsround - I Got To Get My Props

Posted by Ian Symes. Sunday 10th August 2003.

I am moist with desireFucking hell. Those quite remarkable people over at The Prop Store of London have added a new collection to their already impressive selection, and, as you've probably ascertained from the fact that we're reporting on this site, it's a bloody Red Dwarf collection. Amongst their new additions are such instantly recognisable and icon items as The A-Z Of Red Dwarf, as used in Me², a can of Leopard Lager and the jacket that The Cat gets killed in at the end of Out of Time. Shame about the huge prices, but they are surely worth it - just imagine having your own Red Dwarf Ship's Issue strawberry yoghurt pot. Incidentally, why does a prop store in London give all its prices in dollars before pounds?

In a quite excellent update on the official site, a complete cast and crew list has been provided for Series I, II, III and IV. The detail is stunning - each page includes what must be a near-complete list of uncredited extras for each episode! This rather pisses on our own meagre effort, which is a bit of a shame. One minor gripe about this though - they should indicate which episode(s) each regular guest character appeared in, rather than just listing them for the whole series. OK, so we know all about the guest characters, but not everyone does.

One final piece of news - Series III is to be repeated on BBC TWO, starting on 21st August. In other words, it's continuing on from the current run of Series II. This is clearly good news, although the series does deserve a slightly more prime-time slot than TEN TO BLOODY MIDNIGHT. Still, viewers can enjoy the Monday night line-up of Two Pints Of Shit and a Packet Of Shit, Dead Shit and Absolutely Shit instead. There's also a two week gap in between Marooned and Polymorph. Presumably live coverage of the World Tiddlywinks Championship, or something.

One final bit of site news, the index to the Articles section has been jigged around a bit, as it was getting a bit cramped. Thankyou for reading Ian's Newsround. We apologise for the delay. We should apologise for the headline. If anyone can identify which early-90s hip-hop tune it comes from, they win a coconut.

Oh Danny Boy

Posted by John Hoare. Saturday 9th August 2003.

Screengrab of Danny's first Red Dwarf scene. Excellent.Now, as you know, Danny John-Jules was on RI:SE a couple of days ago. The report on it started out as a news item, but grew far too big; so instead, read the article RI:SE and Shine. Hooray!

Next, an update on Craig Charles Fisticuffs News, nicked from Talkie on the BTLi forums. I'd be able to link directly to the story if Teletext's TV Plus News had a way of accessing old news items. What a bloody stupid system. Anyway, check the forum thread for the full story; apparently, Darren Day has pulled out of the planned Celebrity Boxing show. Craig has refused to take on other opponents, "as people in the street said 'Give him a slap for me'", but he's also complaining that "It would be funny if it wasn't being done for charity. I was doing it for the Make-A-Wish Foundation for terminally ill kids" - you'd think if he cared that much, he'd be going ahead with it whoever his opponent was. Hmmm.

Finally, an apology. Recently we said that a piccy on the front page of was a screengrab of a deleted scene from Bodyswap. This is completely false, as this news item on the official site shows; it's a photograph by Paul Grant. Perhaps not that important in the grand scheme of things - indeed, it might seem bloody stupid that I'm actually apologising for it - but it does go to show how dangerous it can be to speculate about things if you don't clearly mark it as speculation. Besides, the picture is in the Series III images on the Image Bank anyway, so it was just stupid. I've got rather a bugbear of getting the facts on G&T absolutely correct - get things wrong once too often, and you lose all credibility. So: sorry. We'll try harder in future. Ian's Newsround will be up later today.

Various Fansite SHITE

Posted by John Hoare. Thursday 7th August 2003.

First of all, yes, Danny was on RI:SE this morning. I have the tape, but haven't had chance to do a report on it yet; I'll post one tomorrow. See Big Blake for a report in the meantime, but note that it isn't true that "Danny said nothing about Red Dwarf - The Movie" - Danny said that the movie was looking to shoot towards the end of the year. Last we heard, it was due to start shooting late September. Whether those two remarks are compatible or not, we'll leave it up to you to decide, but I would speculate it might have been put back again...

Today's update is mainly plagiarised. Back In The Red has news on Tony Hawks stuff, and ace praise for us (which we really don't deserve. I sound like I belong in a mental hospital.) The White Hole has also updated, with a Series I DVD Review, and a reminder of a lovely bit of Australian merchandise. Actually, looking at the Red Dwarf Shop Australia, I really need this Satchel Bag. Desperately. And finally, on our site, we have Stephen Fletcher's review of Balance of Power.

Don't forget that updates tomorrow; Ian's newsround will be on Saturday. Watch out for a big content update on Monday.

Where's my revision timetable?

Posted by Ian Symes. Tuesday 5th August 2003.

You shouldn't smoke them cigars. You'll get CANCER.Yes, we're striving for perfection once again, as we update three of our existing pages. Firstly, and perhaps most excitingly, it's the Don't Leave Us Hanging article. Having just taken delivery of a complete set of Trading Cards, I discovered that five of them include the fucking script for one of the alternate endings to Series VIII. Excellent.

Next up, our little Cast List has moved one step nearer to completion, as we have included all the discrepancies and mistakes from the Re-Mastered credits. And finally, it was about time it was conceded that GNP are striving to correct their previous wrongs regarding Hattie Hayridge.

In other news, Back In The Red are continuing their recent run of good rumour tracking, with a bit of semi-info on a Viz film, allegedly to be directed by Ed Bye, and a supposed new sit-com for Craig Charles. Do we really want Craig Charles to be off shooting a sit-com, when The Movie is set to start filming in the next few months? Have a look at the Red Dwarf section of The Encyclopedia Of Fantastic Film and Television. It really is very good, especially the way they've incorporated reviews into the capsules. However, they're completely wrong about Meltdown.

Finally, we'd like to draw your attention to this rather amusing section from an old Craig Charles interview: "I was lucky enough to work with Bill Shatner recently, we did a show called Space Cadets together, and I said to him: 'I used to love those first series of Star Trek, you know, the black and white ones, they were brilliant'. And he goes: 'Star Trek was never in black and white'. It took me about an hour of argument to realise we just had a black and white telly and they're actually all made in colour."

No comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Posted by John Hoare. Monday 4th August 2003.

Well, we promised a bumper update, and here it is - the size of the site has increased twentyfold. Yes, whilst Ian was over at mine we recorded three commentaries; for The End, Future Echoes, and Balance of Power. How extrodinarily self-indulgent. And I sound like a camp idiot.

Onto other stuff. Back In The Red reports a rumour that Craig Charles might be playing Brendan Fearon in a dramatisation of the story of Tony Martin - Brendan was the intruder who wasn't shot, and went to prison. Big Blake have noticed that now says "Coming Soon!" rather than "Appearing Here Very Soon" - another delay, by the looks of it. Bah. At least in the meantime Norman has signed his own head. And The White Hole now has it's Downloads section back up, including vastly reduced size versions of the two USA pilots. Hooray!

And finally, in case you hadn't noticed, take a look at this picture as shown on the front page of the offical site. Looks like a grab from a deleted scene from Bodyswap. Excellent.

Ian's Newsround - It's The Final Countdown

Posted by Ian Symes. Friday 1st August 2003. Again.

Some news and thatDer-der-deeer-der. Diddle der-der-der. And so on. With three months and three days to go before the Series III DVD arrives, the official site have published a full list of extras. We knew damn near all of this before, but it still makes impressive reading. Three hours it'll take us to get through all those. Three damn hours. Plus, there's three hours' worth of commentary to listen to, so that means we'll all have to book 3rd November off work in order to get through it. (Personally speaking, I've already booked a fortnight off, just so I can concentrate on reporting it sufficiently).

Interesting to read that the trailers were "only archived by dedicated fans on VHS". Does this indicate that the BBC got rid of them, and GNP had to take the footage from a fourteen-year-old off-air recording? If so, that's pretty impressive. Hopefully, they've also got some of the original continuity announcements, which could be used as Easter Eggs. Of course, our ideal pair of secret Easter Eggs would be a set of continuity announcements and some footage direct from the rushes - The Hitch-Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy DVD sets the precedent for this. Also, we're hugely impressed by the phrase "mighty collection", in reference to the stills gallery. Here's hoping they're all from the right series this time...

Also on the official site this week, some pictures of the Stamp Centre's bottlestoppers. Now, the Kryten one, which was available at Memorabilia is excellent, and the Starbug one also looks good. However, for some reason, The Stamp Centre have chosen to base the third design on that of a huge pencil. This is seriously getting on our tits now. Would someone please listen to the fans (not just us, we hasten to add; just look around some other fansites) - THE RE-MASTERED RED DWARF SHIP LOOKED HORRIBLE. WE DO NOT WANT IT TO APPEAR ON ANY MERCHANDISE, OR INDEED THE MOVIE. Once again, it's time to dig out our Model Behaviour article. Let's hope we won't have to do that again, eh?

In other news, Tazzy has informed us that Craig Bierko, the steroid-pumping American version of Lister, is to star in Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, a movie which is set to be released in America on 5th September. No word yet on a UK release, but we hope it won't be too long. Craig was quite good in Red Dwarf USA, even though he didn't suit the role at all. We're quite keen to see him in something that has an adequate casting schedule, in order to see him at his full potential.

After somehow managing to update seven times in the last five days, we're now going to have to leave you without any new G&T stuff until Sunday. I'm off to Nottingham to see John, so we should get a load of stuff done. If we manage to resist the urge to sit on our arses watching Red Dwarf non-stop all weekend, that is.

"Holly, put a trace on movie rumours..."

Posted by John Hoare. Friday 1st August 2003.

Red Dwarf: The Movie LogoRight, here comes something for our Movie section that we mentioned ages ago; the Rumour Tracker. Expect it to be added to as fresh ones come in. Bear in mind that it only carries rumours that have circulated since G&T has been online; digging up old ones would be time-consuming, and almost certainly pointless. Madonna my arse. Get in contact if you spot any we haven't seen.

Bad news on the laser etched Starbugs front. The lovely Tracey Brennan got in contact with us to say that she talked to The Stamp Centre at Memorabilia, and they aren't yet for sale, despite being listed on the website. Apparently there are licensing problems. Grrrr. Let's hope they're sorted out soon; and we'll let you know what happens, as we desperately want them ourselves...

Don't forget to vote for Slashdot's current poll: "Favorite Sci-Fi Curse?". You'll be delighted to know that Smeg is winning by a considerable margin. "what the smegging smeg is going on?" indeed. Meanwhile, all the July 2003 news articles have been archived; check them out if you haven't visited for a bit, as we've been updating quite a lot recently. Ian's newsround will follow later today.

And finally: IT. IS. HERE. The full, accurate, finalised Series III DVD Cover. A pure work of art.