Ganymede and Titan

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First published 14th September 2003.

ANNOUNCER: (Chris Barrie)
And we interrupt this programme to go straight over to the news room.

NEWSREADER: (Nick Maloney)
Here's a newsflash. Archeologists working in the Sinai Desert have discovered what they believe to be an authentic page from the Bible. This short statement was released moments ago by Dr. Franz Luber.

DR. LUBER: (Chris Barrie)
Gentlemen, gentlemen, you must understand - this page has yet to be authenticated. Although preliminary, yes gentlemen, although preliminary tests have shown it to be of the period in question.

JOURNALIST 1: (Nick Wilton)
Evening Standard. Dr. Luber, could you read out the page?

JOURNALIST 2: (Nick Maloney)
Daily Cliché. Where is the page?

What part of the book is the page from, sir?

Gentlemen, gentlemen, please! If it is an authentic page, it is not included in the current versions of the Bible. The page is not numbered. However, I believe it belongs towards the beginning of the Old Testament. I will now read a translation of the page: "The Bible. To my darling Candy. The characters and situations in this work are wholly fictional and imaginery, and any resemblence to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. By the same author: The New Testament and Testament III - all your favourite characters back again for another zany adventure!" That is all, gentlemen.