Insult List
Here we go... a complete list of insults used in the 52 episodes of Red Dwarf. Many of these are highly inventive, original and amusing, whereas others are mere variations on the word 'smeg'. Still, there are some interesting findings. The insults are listed alphabetically, and where there is more than one occurance of the insult being used, these are listed chronologically. Eventually, this document will include Red Dwarf Night, the Smeg Ups tapes, deleted scenes, maybe even the cast commentary. Stay tuned.
| Insult | Episode | Used by | Used against |
|---|---|---|---|
| Abomination | Rimmerworld | Rimmer Double | The Crew |
| Alphabet Head | Stasis Leak | Cat | Rimmer |
| Justice | Cat | Rimmer | |
| Annoying little smeggy smegging smegger | Only The Good... | Rimmer | Dispensing Machine |
| Arsehole | Kryten | Lister | Rimmer |
| Arse Wipe | Cassandra | Knot | Rimmer |
| Baboon's rump | Kryten | Rimmer | Holly |
| Back-stabbing, weaselly smegger | Back in the Red (Part Three) | Lister | Rimmer |
| Baldy | Queeg | Cat | Holly |
| Barney's ugly brother | Pete (Part One) | Lister | Pete |
| Pete (Part Two) | Lister | Pete | |
| Bastard | Waiting For God | Rimmer | Lister |
| Backwards | Lister | Santa Claus | |
| Body Swap | Lister | Rimmer | |
| Ouroboros | Kochanski | Lister | |
| Big lig | The End | Rimmer | Todhunter |
| Big lug | Pete (Part One) | Kryten | Baxter |
| Big, stupid, yellow idiot | Only the Good... | Rimmer | Hollister |
| Bird-tray head | Krytie TV | Cat | Kryten |
| Bonehead | Kryten | Lister | Rimmer |
| Polymorph | Kryten | Rimmer | |
| Bog-bot from Hell | Rimmerworld | Rimmer | Kryten |
| Bossy old trollop | Ouroboros | Kryten | Kochanski |
| Bot Brains | Demons & Angels | Cat | Kryten |
| Bozo | Future Echoes | Toaster | Rimmer |
| Better Than Life | Lister | Rimmer | |
| The Bozo Brothers | Beyond a Joke | Kochanski | Cat and Lister |
| Brummie git | Back to Reality | Rimmer | Andy |
| Buffoon | Justice | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Bug-head | Epideme | Kochanski | Epideme |
| Bunch of Tarts | Polymorph | Lister | Cat, Kryten and Rimmer |
| Butter-pat Head | Legion | Cat | Kryten |
| Captain Bogbot | Quarantine | Rimmer | Kryten |
| Captain Chloroform | Body Swap | Lister | Kryten |
| Captain Paxo | Stasis Leak | Rimmer | Hollister |
| Captain Sadness | Camille | Cat | Rimmer |
| Captain Smug Git | Stoke Me A Clipper | Rimmer | Ace Rimmer |
| Captain Yawn | Dimension Jump | Cat | Rimmer |
| Cheating, weaselly, low-life scum bucket | The Inquisitor | Lister | Rimmer |
| Chickens | Body Swap | Rimmer | Cat, Kryten and Lister |
| Commander U-Bend | Quarantine | Rimmer | Kryten |
| Complete and total nutter | Timeslides | Lister | Hitler |
| Coward | Backwards | Rimmer | Lister |
| Marooned | Lister | Rimmer | |
| Blue | Lister | Kryten | |
| Cruddy little scudball | Terrorform | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Dact tuft of rectal pubic hair | Terrorforum | The Unspeakable One | Rimmer |
| Dead Git | Me² | Rimmer 2 | Rimmer |
| Deformed Monsters | Rimmerworld | Rimmer Double | The Crew |
| Demented Tonka toy | Tikka to Ride | Rimmer | Kryten |
| Dinglebat | Better Than Life | Lister | Rimmer |
| Dingleberry Breath | Backwards | Rimmer | Holly |
| Dinosaur Breath | Kryten | Lister | Rimmer |
| Kryten | Kryten | Rimmer | |
| A disgrace to the species | Future Echoes | Rimmer | Lister |
| Disgusting, pus-filled buboe | Polymorph | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Disgusting, rotting, fetid piece of congealed monkey vomit | Back in the Red (Part One) | Rimmer | Lister |
| Dishwasher-breath | Balance of Power | Rimmer | Lister |
| Divvy | Back in the Red (Part One) | Lister | Holly |
| Doctor Fruit Loop | Quarantine | Rimmer | Dr. Lanstrom |
| Dog Food Face | Kryten | Rimmer | Lister |
| Doink | Marooned | Lister | Rimmer |
| Dork | Polymorph | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Body Swap | Lister | Young Lister | |
| Justice | Kryten | Rimmer | |
| Dormouse Cheeks | Demons & Angels | Cat | Lister |
| Double-dealing, two-faced rat | Back in the Red (Part Three) | Lister | Rimmer |
| El Dirtball | White Hole | Rimmer | Lister |
| El Slobbo | Balance of Power | Rimmer | Lister |
| El Weirdo | Parallel Universe | Rimmer | Ms. Rimmer |
| Eraser head | Camille | Cat | Rimmer |
| Fat, bearded git | Gumen of the Apocalypse | Rimmer | Bear Strangler McGee |
| Fat Boy | Beyond A Joke | Kryten | Lister |
| Only the Good... | Cat | Big Meat | |
| Fat, little human | The Inquisitor | The Inquisitor | Lister |
| Filthy piece of distended rectum | Me² | Rimmer | Rimmer 2 |
| Foolish, aged, blubbery fish | Polymorph | Kryten | Rimmer's Mum |
| Frankenstein | Quarantine | Cat | Kryten |
| Freak-face | Backwards | Cat | Kryten |
| Body Swap | Cat | Kryten | |
| Frigid | Parallel Universe | Ms. Rimmer | Rimmer |
| Gerbil-face | White Hole | Cat | Lister |
| Ghastly maggot | Emohawk - Polymorph II | Ace Rimmer | Rimmer |
| Gimboid | Future Echoes (twice) | Rimmer | Lister |
| Waiting For God | Rimmer | Lister | |
| Gimp | Kryten | Rimmer | Lister |
| Better Than Life | Lister | Rimmer | |
| Thanks for the Memory | Rimmer | Hollister | |
| Timeslides | Rimmer | Thicky Holden | |
| White Hole | Rimmer | Lister | |
| Epideme | Lister | Cat | |
| Git | Future Echoes | Rimmer | Lister |
| Justice | Lister | Rimmer | |
| Dimension Jump | Rimmer | Kryten | |
| Goalpost Head | Parallel Universe | Cat | Rimmer |
| Backwards | Cat | Rimmer | |
| Body Swap | Cat | Rimmer | |
| DNA | Cat | Rimmer | |
| Demons & Angels | Cat | Rimmer | |
| Rimmerworld | Cat | Rimmer | |
| Tikka to Ride | Cat | Rimmer | |
| Goit | Future Echoes (twice) | Rimmer | Lister |
| Future Echoes | Rimmer | Future Lister | |
| Future Echoes | Rimmer | Holly | |
| Balance of Power | Rimmer | Holly | |
| Confidence & Paranoia | Rimmer | Lister | |
| Me² | Rimmers | Lister | |
| Gooseberry | Gunmen of the Apocalypse | Lister | Kryten |
| Grandad | Timeslides | Young Lister | Lister |
| Grease stain | Waiting For God | Cat | Rimmer |
| Thanks for the Memory | Cat | Rimmer | |
| Grossly overweight | Holoship | Commander Binks | Lister |
| Gwenlyn | Kryten | Lister | Rimmer |
| Gutless, spineless, gormless, direction-less, neurotic, under-achieving, snivelling, cowardly pile of smeg | Stoke Me A Clipper | Lister | Rimmer |
| Hadron-Head | Balance of Power | Lister | Selby |
| Polymorph | Kryten | Rimmer | |
| Half-eaten lollipop head | Epideme | Cat | Kryten |
| Halibut breath | Emohawk - Polymorph II | Rimmer | Cat |
| Hoity-toity gonad-brained gimp | Better Than Life | Rimmer | The Captain |
| Hooch-head | Gunmen of the Apocalypse | Cat | Kryten |
| The human equivalent of a visible panty-line | Blue | Cat | Rimmer |
| Hypocrite | Blue | Kryten | Lister |
| Idiot | Future Echoes | Rimmer | Holly |
| Balance of Power | Rimmer | Cat | |
| Polymorph | Cat | Rimmer | |
| Timeslides | Cat | Young Lister | |
| Duct Soup | Kochanski | Kryten | |
| Idiot droid | Camille | Rimmer | Kryten |
| Impudent fool | Meltdown | Caligula | Cat |
| Insufferable pratt | Back to Reality | Andy | Rimmer |
| Irritating, awkward and unsightly | Blue | Cat | Rimmer |
| Jammy Goit | White Hole | Rimmer | Lister |
| Jerk | Timeslides | Cat | Young Lister |
| Joke of a man | Justice | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Judas | Pete (Part One) | Lister | Rimmer |
| Jumped-up Filofax | Future Echoes | Rimmer | Holly |
| Keyboard teeth | Emohawk - Polymorph II | Rimmer | Duane Dibbley |
| Khazi-droid | Quarantine | Rimmer | Kryten |
| Killer | Justice | Lister | Rimmer |
| Little bleeder | White Hole | Lister | Talkie Toaster |
| Little glob of tuberculatic spewtum | Terrorform | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Little worm | Balance of Power | Rimmer | Lister |
| A lowly grease monkey | Justice | Kryten | Rimmer |
| The Mad Monk Brothers | Demons & Angels | Cat | High Crew |
| Maggot | Dimension Jump | Ace | Rimmer |
| Back in the Red (Part One) | Thornton | Lister | |
| Marshmallow-ass | Only the Good... | Cat | Big Meat |
| Meat-tenderiser head | Epideme | Cat | Kryten |
| Metal Trash | Emohawk - Polymorph II | Rimmer | Kryten |
| Miss Yo-Yo Knickers | Parallel Universe | Lister | Ms. Lister |
| Mister Fat Bastard 2044 | Thanks for the Memory | Rimmer | Hollister |
| Mister Gazpacho | Me² (twice) | Rimmer 2 | Rimmer |
| Mister Maturity | Me² | Rimmer 2 | Rimmer |
| Mister Sad Git | Gunmen of the Apocalypse | Rimmer | Kryten |
| Mister Shouty | Back in the Red (Part One) | Lister | Thornton |
| Mister Swankypants | Gunmen of the Apocalypse | Jimmy | Lister |
| Modo | Waiting For God | Rimmer | Hollister |
| Waiting For God | Rimmer | Cat | |
| Molecule Mind | Kryten | Lister | Rimmer |
| Kryten | Kryten | Rimmer | |
| Monkey | Future Echoes | Cat | Lister |
| Waiting For God | Cat | Lister | |
| Moron | Waiting For God | Rimmer | Lister |
| Marooned | Rimmer | Lister | |
| Quarantine | Kryten | Cat | |
| Murderer | The End | Rimmer | Lister |
| Mutant | Rimmerworld | Rimmer Double | The Crew |
| A neurotic, under-achieving emotional retard | Justice | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Nickel-hydrate breath | Krytie TV | Kochanski | Kryten |
| Ninny | Pete (Part One) | Kryten | Kochanski |
| A nothing | The End | Rimmer | Lister |
| Justice | Kryten | Rimmer | |
| No-good, disgusting bum | Nanarchy | Kochanski | Lister |
| Novelty condom-head | DNA | Cat | Kryten |
| Nutter | Queeg | Lister | Queeg |
| Timeslides | Lister | Rimmer | |
| Legion | Lister | Legion | |
| Obnoxious, trumped-up, farty little smeghead | White Hole | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Old Codger | Timeslides | Lister | The Duke of Lincoln |
| Old Five Fingers | Epideme | Cat | Lister |
| Old Laundry Chute Nostrils | Out of Time | Cat | Rimmer |
| One glorious hole | Backwards | Lister | Rimmer |
| Over-zealous, trumped-up little squirt | Justice | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Pathetic man | Justice | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Pesky little critters | Nanarchy | Kryten | Nanobots |
| Piece of dirty, filthy, cheating scum | Queeg | Lister | Rimmer |
| A piece of sputum, floating in the toilet bowl of life | Justice | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Petty-minded little sadist | Backwards | Lister | St. Francis of Assisi |
| Pigs | Meltdown | Caligula | Cat and Lister |
| Pilgrim | Queeg | Queeg | Rimmer |
| Pipsqueak | Better Than Life | Rimmer | Rathbone |
| Plastic Percy | Body Swap | Cat | Kryten |
| Pop-eyed balding git | Better Than Life | Rimmer | Rimmer's Dad |
| Pratt | White Hole | Rimmer | Captain Oates |
| Pregnant baboon-bellied space bum | Future Echoes | Rimmer | Lister |
| Priscilla, Queen of Deep Space | Ouroboros | Kochanski | Lister |
| Private Nobody | Only the Good... | Rimmer | Mirror Hollister |
| Punk | Kryten | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Cassandra | Knot | Kill Crazy | |
| Pus-head | Waiting For God | Rimmer | Hollister |
| Pus-sucking, puke-laden walking cesspits of unspeakableness | Rimmerworld | Simulant Leiutenant | The Crew |
| Pussycat Willum | Justice | Rimmer | Cat |
| Putrid, amphibious gill-breather with less brains than a mollusc | Polymorph | Kryten | Rimmer's Mum |
| Quark-brain | Balance of Power | Lister | Rimmer |
| Rectum-faced pygmy | Balance of Power | Rimmer | Lister |
| Rubber-headed eunuch | Legion | Rimmer | Kryten |
| Sad man | Justice | Kryten | Rimmer |
| A sad weasle of a man | Parallel Universe | Lister | Rimmer |
| Scoundrels | Backwards | Bike Owner | Lister and Cat |
| Scudball | Polymorph | Lister | The Polymorph |
| Scum | Meltdown (twice) | Caligula | Cat and Lister |
| The Inquisitor | Lister | The Inquisitor | |
| Stoke Me A Clipper | Kryten | Lister | |
| Ouroboros | Rimmer | Lister | |
| Scummiest knave in Christendom | Stoke Me A Clipper | King of Camelot | Lister |
| Scum-sucking, lying, weasley smegger | Blue | Lister | Rimmer |
| Scum-sucking molluscs | Gunmen of the Apocalypse | Kryten | The Apocalypse Boys |
| Scum-sucking, two-faced, weaselly weasel | Back in the Red (Part Two) | Lister | Rimmer |
| Second-rate scum | Ouroboros | Rimmer | Lister |
| Self-serving, scum-sucking, ruthless little ratbag | Back in the Red (Part Three) | Kochanski | Rimmer |
| Shambles | Only the Good... | Rimmer | Mirror Hollister |
| Shirley | Only the Good... | Big Meat | Cat |
| The short, dumpy one with the stupid haircut | Cassandra | Rimmer | Lister |
| Silly old trout | Polymorph | Kryten | Rimmer's Mum |
| Simple-minded, scaly, old piscine | Polymorph | Kryten | Rimmer's Mum |
| Slags | Polymorph | Lister | Cat, Kryten and Rimmer |
| Slimeball | Queeg | Holly | Queeg |
| Slimy, dispicable, rat-hearted green-discharge of a man | The Inquisitor | The Inquisitor | Rimmer |
| Slimy, double-crossing, two-faced piece of scum | Beyond a Joke | Kryten | Able |
| Slimy, triple-faced backstabbing Judas | Rimmerworld | Lister | Rimmer |
| Slimy, river-dwelling rodent | Demons & Angels | Lister | Rimmer |
| The slobbiest entity in the entire universe | The End | Rimmer | Lister |
| Slow, stupid, crudely designed and quite amazingly ugly | The Last Day | Jim Reaper | Kryten |
| Small-minded, bureaucratic, cowardly little person | Stoke Me A Clipper | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Smart-Alec android | Back to Reality | Rimmer | Kryten |
| Smart-Alec metal git | Emohawk - Polymorph II | Rimmer | Kryten |
| Smartarse | Future Echoes | Lister | Toaster |
| Smee | Camille (twice) | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Quarantine (twice) | Kryten | Rimmer | |
| Gunmen of the Apocalypse | Kryten | Rimmer | |
| Smee Heee | Camille (four times) | Kryten | Rimmer |
| Quarantine | Rimmer | Kryten | |
| Gunmen of the Apocalypse | Kryten | Rimmer | |
| Stoke Me A Clipper | Kryten | Rimmer | |
| Smeg-brain | Thanks for the Memory | Rimmer | Lister |
| Smeg-for-brains | Balance of Power | Lister | Rimmer |
| Kryten | Kryten | Rimmer | |
| Smeghead | The End (twice) | Lister | Rimmer |
| The End | Todhunter | Rimmer | |
| Waiting For God | Lister | Rimmer | |
| Kryten | Lister | Rimmer | |
| Better Than Life | Rimmer's Dad | Rimmer | |
| Thanks for the Memory | Lister | Rimmer | |
| Stasis Leak (twice) | Lister | Future Lister | |
| Body Swap | Cat | Rimmer | |
| Camille | Kryten | Rimmer | |
| Camille | Kryten | Lister | |
| White Hole | Holly | Rimmer | |
| Meltdown | Lister | Rimmer | |
| Holoship | Lister | Rimmer | |
| The Inquisitor | Lister | Trojans | |
| The Inquisitor | The Inquisitor | Lister | |
| Stoke Me A Clipper | Lister | Rimmer | |
| Blue | Cat | Rimmer | |
| Smegger | Polymorph | Lister | The Polymorph |
| Cassandra | Lister | Cat | |
| Smegpot | Holoship | Lister | Commander Binks |
| Smelly-arsed smegger | Stasis Leak | Lister | Petersen |
| Smug, self-satisfied git | Stoke Me A Clipper | Rimmer | Ace Rimmer |
| Snooty cow | Balance of Power | Rimmer | Kochanski |
| Sour Kraut | Stoke Me A Clipper | Ace Rimmer | Gestapo Officer |
| Spanny | Tikka to Ride | Lister | Kryten |
| Stan and Ollie | White Hole | Cat | Kryten and Rimmer |
| Stumpy | DNA | Cat | Lister |
| Stupid cat | Balance of Power | Rimmer | Cat |
| Stupid moggy | Confidence & Paranoia | Rimmer | Cat |
| Stupid, stinking, festering gimboid of a cat | Balance of Power | Rimmer | Cat |
| Stupid woman | Body Swap | Rimmer | Brown |
| Stupid 'zoney | Beyond A Joke | Simulant | Able |
| Thick, titanium plank | Blue | Rimmer | Kryten |
| Tight git | Backwards | Lister | Taxi Driver |
| Tin can | The Last Day | Hudzen | Kryten |
| A toad | Demons & Angels | Lister | Rimmer |
| Toilet brush hair | Rimmerworld | Cat | Rimmer |
| Totally worthless, unwashed space bum | The Inquisitor | Holly | Lister |
| Trans-Am Wheel Arch Nostrils | The Inquisitor | Cat | Rimmer |
| Trash | Gunmen of the Apocalypse | Lister | Loretta |
| Travesty | Rimmerworld | Rimmer Double | The Crew |
| Tutankhamun's horny grandma | Epideme | Lister | Caroline Carmen |
| Twonk(s) | Back to Reality | Andy | Rimmer |
| Back to Reality | Andy | The Crew | |
| Tyke | Waiting For God | Rimmer | Lister |
| Ugly, lungless marine animal with galloping senility | Polymorph | Kryten | Rimmer's Mum |
| Unbelievable git | Out of Time | Rimmer | Cat |
| Unnecesserily ugly | Holoship | Commander Binks | Lister |
| A very rude man | The Last Day | Rimmer | Hudzen |
| Wa-hum Barbow | Emohawk - Polymorph II | Rimmer | Kryten |
| A weasel | Demons & Angels | Lister | Rimmer |
| Wig stand head | Duct Soup | Kochanski | Kryten |
| Xenophobic, homocidal maniac | Gunmen of the Apocalypse | Rimmer | Simulant Captain |