Ganymede and Titan

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Insult List

First published 5th September 2003.

Here we go... a complete list of insults used in the 52 episodes of Red Dwarf. Many of these are highly inventive, original and amusing, whereas others are mere variations on the word 'smeg'. Still, there are some interesting findings. The insults are listed alphabetically, and where there is more than one occurance of the insult being used, these are listed chronologically. Eventually, this document will include Red Dwarf Night, the Smeg Ups tapes, deleted scenes, maybe even the cast commentary. Stay tuned.

InsultEpisodeUsed byUsed against
AbominationRimmerworldRimmer DoubleThe Crew
Alphabet HeadStasis LeakCatRimmer
JusticeCatRimmer
Annoying little smeggy smegging smeggerOnly The Good...RimmerDispensing Machine
ArseholeKrytenListerRimmer
Arse WipeCassandraKnotRimmer
Baboon's rumpKrytenRimmerHolly
Back-stabbing, weaselly smeggerBack in the Red (Part Three)ListerRimmer
BaldyQueegCatHolly
Barney's ugly brotherPete (Part One)ListerPete
Pete (Part Two)ListerPete
BastardWaiting For GodRimmerLister
BackwardsListerSanta Claus
Body SwapListerRimmer
OuroborosKochanskiLister
Big ligThe EndRimmerTodhunter
Big lugPete (Part One)KrytenBaxter
Big, stupid, yellow idiotOnly the Good...RimmerHollister
Bird-tray headKrytie TVCatKryten
BoneheadKrytenListerRimmer
PolymorphKrytenRimmer
Bog-bot from HellRimmerworldRimmerKryten
Bossy old trollopOuroborosKrytenKochanski
Bot BrainsDemons & AngelsCatKryten
BozoFuture EchoesToasterRimmer
Better Than LifeListerRimmer
The Bozo BrothersBeyond a JokeKochanskiCat and Lister
Brummie gitBack to RealityRimmerAndy
BuffoonJusticeKrytenRimmer
Bug-headEpidemeKochanskiEpideme
Bunch of TartsPolymorphListerCat, Kryten and Rimmer
Butter-pat HeadLegionCatKryten
Captain BogbotQuarantineRimmerKryten
Captain ChloroformBody SwapListerKryten
Captain PaxoStasis LeakRimmerHollister
Captain SadnessCamilleCatRimmer
Captain Smug GitStoke Me A ClipperRimmerAce Rimmer
Captain YawnDimension JumpCatRimmer
Cheating, weaselly, low-life scum bucketThe InquisitorListerRimmer
ChickensBody SwapRimmerCat, Kryten and Lister
Commander U-BendQuarantineRimmerKryten
Complete and total nutterTimeslidesListerHitler
CowardBackwardsRimmerLister
MaroonedListerRimmer
BlueListerKryten
Cruddy little scudballTerrorformKrytenRimmer
Dact tuft of rectal pubic hairTerrorforumThe Unspeakable OneRimmer
Dead GitMe²Rimmer 2Rimmer
Deformed MonstersRimmerworldRimmer DoubleThe Crew
Demented Tonka toyTikka to RideRimmerKryten
DinglebatBetter Than LifeListerRimmer
Dingleberry BreathBackwardsRimmerHolly
Dinosaur BreathKrytenListerRimmer
KrytenKrytenRimmer
A disgrace to the speciesFuture EchoesRimmerLister
Disgusting, pus-filled buboePolymorphKrytenRimmer
Disgusting, rotting, fetid piece of congealed monkey vomitBack in the Red (Part One)RimmerLister
Dishwasher-breathBalance of PowerRimmerLister
DivvyBack in the Red (Part One)ListerHolly
Doctor Fruit LoopQuarantineRimmerDr. Lanstrom
Dog Food FaceKrytenRimmerLister
DoinkMaroonedListerRimmer
DorkPolymorphKrytenRimmer
Body SwapListerYoung Lister
JusticeKrytenRimmer
Dormouse CheeksDemons & AngelsCatLister
Double-dealing, two-faced ratBack in the Red (Part Three)ListerRimmer
El DirtballWhite HoleRimmerLister
El SlobboBalance of PowerRimmerLister
El WeirdoParallel UniverseRimmerMs. Rimmer
Eraser headCamilleCatRimmer
Fat, bearded gitGumen of the ApocalypseRimmerBear Strangler McGee
Fat BoyBeyond A JokeKrytenLister
Only the Good...CatBig Meat
Fat, little humanThe InquisitorThe InquisitorLister
Filthy piece of distended rectumMe²RimmerRimmer 2
Foolish, aged, blubbery fishPolymorphKrytenRimmer's Mum
FrankensteinQuarantineCatKryten
Freak-faceBackwardsCatKryten
Body SwapCatKryten
FrigidParallel UniverseMs. RimmerRimmer
Gerbil-faceWhite HoleCatLister
Ghastly maggotEmohawk - Polymorph IIAce RimmerRimmer
GimboidFuture Echoes (twice)RimmerLister
Waiting For GodRimmerLister
GimpKrytenRimmerLister
Better Than LifeListerRimmer
Thanks for the MemoryRimmerHollister
TimeslidesRimmerThicky Holden
White HoleRimmerLister
EpidemeListerCat
GitFuture EchoesRimmerLister
JusticeListerRimmer
Dimension JumpRimmerKryten
Goalpost HeadParallel UniverseCatRimmer
BackwardsCatRimmer
Body SwapCatRimmer
DNACatRimmer
Demons & AngelsCatRimmer
RimmerworldCatRimmer
Tikka to RideCatRimmer
GoitFuture Echoes (twice)RimmerLister
Future EchoesRimmerFuture Lister
Future EchoesRimmerHolly
Balance of PowerRimmerHolly
Confidence & ParanoiaRimmerLister
Me²RimmersLister
GooseberryGunmen of the ApocalypseListerKryten
GrandadTimeslidesYoung ListerLister
Grease stainWaiting For GodCatRimmer
Thanks for the MemoryCatRimmer
Grossly overweightHoloshipCommander BinksLister
GwenlynKrytenListerRimmer
Gutless, spineless, gormless, direction-less, neurotic, under-achieving, snivelling, cowardly pile of smegStoke Me A ClipperListerRimmer
Hadron-HeadBalance of PowerListerSelby
PolymorphKrytenRimmer
Half-eaten lollipop headEpidemeCatKryten
Halibut breathEmohawk - Polymorph IIRimmerCat
Hoity-toity gonad-brained gimpBetter Than LifeRimmerThe Captain
Hooch-headGunmen of the ApocalypseCatKryten
The human equivalent of a visible panty-lineBlueCatRimmer
HypocriteBlueKrytenLister
IdiotFuture EchoesRimmerHolly
Balance of PowerRimmerCat
PolymorphCatRimmer
TimeslidesCatYoung Lister
Duct SoupKochanskiKryten
Idiot droidCamilleRimmerKryten
Impudent foolMeltdownCaligulaCat
Insufferable prattBack to RealityAndyRimmer
Irritating, awkward and unsightlyBlueCatRimmer
Jammy GoitWhite HoleRimmerLister
JerkTimeslidesCatYoung Lister
Joke of a manJusticeKrytenRimmer
JudasPete (Part One)ListerRimmer
Jumped-up FilofaxFuture EchoesRimmerHolly
Keyboard teethEmohawk - Polymorph IIRimmerDuane Dibbley
Khazi-droidQuarantineRimmerKryten
KillerJusticeListerRimmer
Little bleederWhite HoleListerTalkie Toaster
Little glob of tuberculatic spewtumTerrorformKrytenRimmer
Little wormBalance of PowerRimmerLister
A lowly grease monkeyJusticeKrytenRimmer
The Mad Monk BrothersDemons & AngelsCatHigh Crew
MaggotDimension JumpAceRimmer
Back in the Red (Part One)ThorntonLister
Marshmallow-assOnly the Good...CatBig Meat
Meat-tenderiser headEpidemeCatKryten
Metal TrashEmohawk - Polymorph IIRimmerKryten
Miss Yo-Yo KnickersParallel UniverseListerMs. Lister
Mister Fat Bastard 2044Thanks for the MemoryRimmerHollister
Mister GazpachoMe² (twice)Rimmer 2Rimmer
Mister MaturityMe²Rimmer 2Rimmer
Mister Sad GitGunmen of the ApocalypseRimmerKryten
Mister ShoutyBack in the Red (Part One)ListerThornton
Mister SwankypantsGunmen of the ApocalypseJimmyLister
ModoWaiting For GodRimmerHollister
Waiting For GodRimmerCat
Molecule MindKrytenListerRimmer
KrytenKrytenRimmer
MonkeyFuture EchoesCatLister
Waiting For GodCatLister
MoronWaiting For GodRimmerLister
MaroonedRimmerLister
QuarantineKrytenCat
MurdererThe EndRimmerLister
MutantRimmerworldRimmer DoubleThe Crew
A neurotic, under-achieving emotional retardJusticeKrytenRimmer
Nickel-hydrate breathKrytie TVKochanskiKryten
NinnyPete (Part One)KrytenKochanski
A nothingThe EndRimmerLister
JusticeKrytenRimmer
No-good, disgusting bumNanarchyKochanskiLister
Novelty condom-headDNACatKryten
NutterQueegListerQueeg
TimeslidesListerRimmer
LegionListerLegion
Obnoxious, trumped-up, farty little smegheadWhite HoleKrytenRimmer
Old CodgerTimeslidesListerThe Duke of Lincoln
Old Five FingersEpidemeCatLister
Old Laundry Chute NostrilsOut of TimeCatRimmer
One glorious holeBackwardsListerRimmer
Over-zealous, trumped-up little squirtJusticeKrytenRimmer
Pathetic manJusticeKrytenRimmer
Pesky little crittersNanarchyKrytenNanobots
Piece of dirty, filthy, cheating scumQueegListerRimmer
A piece of sputum, floating in the toilet bowl of lifeJusticeKrytenRimmer
Petty-minded little sadistBackwardsListerSt. Francis of Assisi
PigsMeltdownCaligulaCat and Lister
PilgrimQueegQueegRimmer
PipsqueakBetter Than LifeRimmerRathbone
Plastic PercyBody SwapCatKryten
Pop-eyed balding gitBetter Than LifeRimmerRimmer's Dad
PrattWhite HoleRimmerCaptain Oates
Pregnant baboon-bellied space bumFuture EchoesRimmerLister
Priscilla, Queen of Deep SpaceOuroborosKochanskiLister
Private NobodyOnly the Good...RimmerMirror Hollister
PunkKrytenKrytenRimmer
CassandraKnotKill Crazy
Pus-headWaiting For GodRimmerHollister
Pus-sucking, puke-laden walking cesspits of unspeakablenessRimmerworldSimulant LeiutenantThe Crew
Pussycat WillumJusticeRimmerCat
Putrid, amphibious gill-breather with less brains than a molluscPolymorphKrytenRimmer's Mum
Quark-brainBalance of PowerListerRimmer
Rectum-faced pygmyBalance of PowerRimmerLister
Rubber-headed eunuchLegionRimmerKryten
Sad manJusticeKrytenRimmer
A sad weasle of a manParallel UniverseListerRimmer
ScoundrelsBackwardsBike OwnerLister and Cat
ScudballPolymorphListerThe Polymorph
ScumMeltdown (twice)CaligulaCat and Lister
The InquisitorListerThe Inquisitor
Stoke Me A ClipperKrytenLister
OuroborosRimmerLister
Scummiest knave in ChristendomStoke Me A ClipperKing of CamelotLister
Scum-sucking, lying, weasley smeggerBlueListerRimmer
Scum-sucking molluscsGunmen of the ApocalypseKrytenThe Apocalypse Boys
Scum-sucking, two-faced, weaselly weaselBack in the Red (Part Two)ListerRimmer
Second-rate scumOuroborosRimmerLister
Self-serving, scum-sucking, ruthless little ratbagBack in the Red (Part Three)KochanskiRimmer
ShamblesOnly the Good...RimmerMirror Hollister
ShirleyOnly the Good...Big MeatCat
The short, dumpy one with the stupid haircutCassandraRimmerLister
Silly old troutPolymorphKrytenRimmer's Mum
Simple-minded, scaly, old piscinePolymorphKrytenRimmer's Mum
SlagsPolymorphListerCat, Kryten and Rimmer
SlimeballQueegHollyQueeg
Slimy, dispicable, rat-hearted green-discharge of a manThe InquisitorThe InquisitorRimmer
Slimy, double-crossing, two-faced piece of scumBeyond a JokeKrytenAble
Slimy, triple-faced backstabbing JudasRimmerworldListerRimmer
Slimy, river-dwelling rodentDemons & AngelsListerRimmer
The slobbiest entity in the entire universeThe EndRimmerLister
Slow, stupid, crudely designed and quite amazingly uglyThe Last DayJim ReaperKryten
Small-minded, bureaucratic, cowardly little personStoke Me A ClipperKrytenRimmer
Smart-Alec androidBack to RealityRimmerKryten
Smart-Alec metal gitEmohawk - Polymorph IIRimmerKryten
SmartarseFuture EchoesListerToaster
SmeeCamille (twice)KrytenRimmer
Quarantine (twice)KrytenRimmer
Gunmen of the ApocalypseKrytenRimmer
Smee HeeeCamille (four times)KrytenRimmer
QuarantineRimmerKryten
Gunmen of the ApocalypseKrytenRimmer
Stoke Me A ClipperKrytenRimmer
Smeg-brainThanks for the MemoryRimmerLister
Smeg-for-brainsBalance of PowerListerRimmer
KrytenKrytenRimmer
SmegheadThe End (twice)ListerRimmer
The EndTodhunterRimmer
Waiting For GodListerRimmer
KrytenListerRimmer
Better Than LifeRimmer's DadRimmer
Thanks for the MemoryListerRimmer
Stasis Leak (twice)ListerFuture Lister
Body SwapCatRimmer
CamilleKrytenRimmer
CamilleKrytenLister
White HoleHollyRimmer
MeltdownListerRimmer
HoloshipListerRimmer
The InquisitorListerTrojans
The InquisitorThe InquisitorLister
Stoke Me A ClipperListerRimmer
BlueCatRimmer
SmeggerPolymorphListerThe Polymorph
CassandraListerCat
SmegpotHoloshipListerCommander Binks
Smelly-arsed smeggerStasis LeakListerPetersen
Smug, self-satisfied gitStoke Me A ClipperRimmerAce Rimmer
Snooty cowBalance of PowerRimmerKochanski
Sour KrautStoke Me A ClipperAce RimmerGestapo Officer
SpannyTikka to RideListerKryten
Stan and OllieWhite HoleCatKryten and Rimmer
StumpyDNACatLister
Stupid catBalance of PowerRimmerCat
Stupid moggyConfidence & ParanoiaRimmerCat
Stupid, stinking, festering gimboid of a catBalance of PowerRimmerCat
Stupid womanBody SwapRimmerBrown
Stupid 'zoneyBeyond A JokeSimulantAble
Thick, titanium plankBlueRimmerKryten
Tight gitBackwardsListerTaxi Driver
Tin canThe Last DayHudzenKryten
A toadDemons & AngelsListerRimmer
Toilet brush hairRimmerworldCatRimmer
Totally worthless, unwashed space bumThe InquisitorHollyLister
Trans-Am Wheel Arch NostrilsThe InquisitorCatRimmer
TrashGunmen of the ApocalypseListerLoretta
TravestyRimmerworldRimmer DoubleThe Crew
Tutankhamun's horny grandmaEpidemeListerCaroline Carmen
Twonk(s)Back to RealityAndyRimmer
Back to RealityAndyThe Crew
TykeWaiting For GodRimmerLister
Ugly, lungless marine animal with galloping senilityPolymorphKrytenRimmer's Mum
Unbelievable gitOut of TimeRimmerCat
Unnecesserily uglyHoloshipCommander BinksLister
A very rude manThe Last DayRimmerHudzen
Wa-hum BarbowEmohawk - Polymorph IIRimmerKryten
A weaselDemons & AngelsListerRimmer
Wig stand headDuct SoupKochanskiKryten
Xenophobic, homocidal maniacGunmen of the ApocalypseRimmerSimulant Captain