Ganymede and Titan

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The End: Scene Summary

First published 18th January 2003. Last updated 2nd May 2003.

1. Red Dwarf corridor. Lister and Rimmer on essential routine maintenance, i.e. fixing chicken soup dispensers. They continue round the corridor until they meet Todhunter.

LISTER: You see, I try, sir. I'm not an insubordinate man by nature. I try and respect Rimmer and everything, but it's not easy, 'cause he's such a smeghead.
RIMMER: (To TODHUNTER) Did you hear that, sir? (To LISTER) Lister, do you have any conception of the penalty for describing a superior technician as a smeghead?
TODHUNTER: (Chuckling) Oh, Rimmer. (Clapping him on the shoulder) You *are* a smeghead.

2. Drive Room. Captain Hollister officiates a funeral service for Flight Co-ordinator George McIntyre.

3. Sleeping Quarters. A key character building scene, where Rimmer blames his parents for his shortcomings and Lister discusses his plan to buy a farm on Fiji.

RIMMER: On Fiji?
LISTER: Yeah! The prices there are unbelievable.
RIMMER: Yes, because they had a volcanic eruption and now most of Fiji's three feet below sea level!
LISTER: It's only three feet. They can wade. That's why the animals are gonna have to be quite tall.
RIMMER: Nice plan, Lister. Excellent plan! Brilliant plan, Lister! What about the sheep? What are you going to do, buy them water wings? Fit them with stilts? Better still, you could cross-breed them with dolphins and have leaping mutton. (Gesturing with his pen to represent a woolly dolphin leaping out of the water) Baa, splash, baa, splash.
LISTER: You can get a drainage grant these days.
RIMMER: Why bother, Lister? You could be the first man to produce wet-look knitwear.

4. Brief model shot of Red Dwarf.

5. The Refectory. We see Lister drinking heavily with Petersen, Chen and Selby, before George McIntyre's speech. Also, Hollister tells the crew that a non-human life form has been detected, and it's not Rimmer.

McINTYRE: I want to thank everybody for giving me such a marvellous funeral. I've just seen the vid. And I want to thank the Captain for his beautiful eulogy. Beautiful. But I still don't understand why he didn't use the one I wrote.

6. Sleeping Quarters. It is the next morning. Rimmer is in the middle of a panic attack. When he leaves for his exam, Lister releases his secret pet cat, Frankenstein.

LISTER: Oh, but you're getting really big now, you know? I hope it's not twins. You've already got all me milk ration. Never mind, when the baby cat comes, maybe we can give him water and pretend it's milk. It's only a baby cat, it won't know, eh?

7. Examining Room. Rimmer's cheating plan backfires on him when his sweat smudges the writing on his arms. Rimmer simply leaves his handprint on his answer paper and faints.

8. Drive Room/Captain's Office. After a brief flirt with Kochanski, Lister is summoned to see Hollister, who administers a bollocking for Lister smuggling a cat on board. Lister is forced to choose between handing over the cat and spending the rest of the trip in suspended animation.

LISTER: Sir, just suppose I did have a cat. Just suppose. What would you do with Frankenstein?
HOLLISTER: I'd send it down to the medical centre, and I'd have it cut up and tests run on it.
LISTER: Would you put it back together when you'd finished?
HOLLISTER: Lister, the cat would be dead.
LISTER: So, with respect, sir, what's in it for the cat?

9. Stasis Corridor. Todhunter leads Lister to the stasis booth.

10. Model shot of Red Dwarf.

11. Stasis Corridor/Crew Mess/Corridor. Holly revives Lister from stasis to inform him that everybody's dead, Dave.

HOLLY: Everybody's dead. Everybody is dead, Dave!
LISTER: Wait. Are you trying to tell me everybody's dead?
HOLLY: I wish I'd never let him out in the first place.

12. Drive Room. After the discovery that he'd eaten half the crew, Lister is filled in with the details of the accident and is told he's not alone. Rimmer has been revived as a hologram.

RIMMER: Being a hologram is fine, Lister. I still have the same drives, the same feelings, the same emotions, but I can't touch anything. Never again will I be able to brush a rose against my cheek, cradle a laughing child, or interfere with a woman sexually.
LISTER: Rimmer, you never used to do any of those things anyway!

13. Another Corridor. A snazzy, handsome, smart guy in a pink suit rolls out of an air duct.

CAT: Hey, what's that? Oh, it's my shadow. Hey, even my shadow's looking nice! I'm looking nice, my shadow's looking nice - what a team! We are unbelievable! OK, team, this way. No, this way. Aaaooowww, yeah.

14. Yet another corridor. Lister and Rimmer bump into the Cat for the first time.

CAT: Uh oh. Better make myself look big!

15. Crew mess. Holly tells Lister and Rimmer that Lister's cat and her kittens had evolved over three million years into the creature they had just met.

16. Sleeping Quarters. Lister tries in vain to get info out of The Cat. He then unveils his new plan - to return to Earth, despite Rimmer's protests.

LISTER: Holly, plot a course for Fiji. Look out, Earth - the slime's coming home!