Ganymede and Titan

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Freshers - university is great

First published September 2003.

ANNOUNCER: (Nick Maloney)
Now the continuing saga of students in their first year at university - Freshers.

NICK: (Nick Wilton)
Ahh, it's really great being a fresher, isn't it? [pause] First week at university. It's really exciting!

TIMMY: (Chris Barrie)
Well, I mean, I'm quite used to being away from home, you know.

NICK:
Oh yeah, of course, of course.

TIMMY:
So I don't miss my mum much at all, you know what I mean?

NICK:
Hmmm. What, er, what A Level results did you get, then?

TIMMY:
Err... hey, listen, I can't remember. What about you?

NICK:
Oh, I, er, I don't think I can remember either. So, er, did you get in through clearing too, then?

TIMMY:
Erm, I wanted to come here anyway, I mean, this was my first choice - Partick Thistle University.

NICK:
Oh, me too. I was lucky to scrape in, really. I had to re-sit my UCAS forms three times! I'm really glad I'm here.

TIMMY:
Right, right, yeah. Well, I mean, they treat you much more like adults, you know. And lecturers are really different from teachers.

NICK:
Yes! They've all got beards!

TIMMY:
No, I mean, you know, it's more of a one-to-one dialogue relationship, you know.

NICK:
What, more adult? Yeah, yeah.

TIMMY:
Yeah. I mean, it's an adult situation.

NICK:
That's right, they treat you more like an adult, yeah. They don't smack you!

TIMMY:
Yeah, well, that's the set-up, isn't it?

NICK:
Ah, the thing I really like about University, though, is you don't have to wear school uniforms! So much more relaxing being able to wear your own casual clothes. Isn't it, Timothy?

TIMMY:
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You can be an individual.

NICK:
I must admit, I love your bri-nylon turtle-neck jumper.

TIMMY:
Yeah, I like yours too.

NICK:
Do you get all your clothes from In Gear?

TIMMY:
Yeah, well, I mean they've got so much good stuff in there.

NICK:
Oh, yeah.

TIMMY:
I mean, you know, they sell windsheeters and anoraks.

NICK:
Yeah, and they sell really great Iron Maiden and White Snake patches you can get your mum to sew onto the back of your denim jacket for you.

TIMMY:
Right, right.

NICK:
I wonder who they are?

TIMMY:
Yeah, I wonder, I wonder.

NICK:
Hey, what do you think of halls, then?

TIMMY:
Oh, it's great, you know. It's great. I mean, it's really great having your own individual room, you know. With a sink. And a wardrobe behind the bed, you know. And a little partition. And the study table with the little lamp on it.

NICK:
Yeah, my individual room's like that too. Have you got your posters up yet?

TIMMY:
Yeah, I mean, I've got some really groovy posters.

NICK:
Yeah?

TIMMY:
You know, they're not the usual kind you see in every student's home, you know what I mean? I think it's important to be that little bit different.

NICK:
What you got, then?

TIMMY:
I've got a Desoderata poster, a chimpanzee sitting on a toilet and a girl rubbing her bottom with a tennis ball.

NICK:
Yes, I've got them.

TIMMY:
Er, but I've taken the last one down, because the girls told me it's sexist.

NICK:
I have too. You're a feminist, then, are you?

TIMMY:
Absolutely.

NICK:
Oh, yeah.

TIMMY:
Absolutely. I think you've got to be these days if you want to sleep with any girls.

NICK:
Why? Have you slept with any girls, then? I mean, this term. Well, this week.

TIMMY:
Erm...

NICK:
Today?

TIMMY:
I... I can't really remember, actually. Why, have you?

NICK:
Well, I'm not really sure.

TIMMY:
Oh, my God, is that the time? I'd better get back, I've got a lecture first thing tomorow, at half past three in the afternoon.

NICK:
That's funny - I'm doing Sociology too!