Ian's Newsround - 05/12/03
Jesus. Eight fans are to appear on a special commentary track on the next batch of DVDs. There's a competition on TOS, and the winners of this will be part of a team commentating on Back To Reality or Gunmen Of The Apocalypse. Now, calm down. We're certain that GNP don't want thirty minutes' worth of people giggling and saying 'smeg' on each DVD. After all, they've put a minimum age of 18 on it, which should prevent most people who are guilty of this off (although, I'm only just eligible, but never mind).
To further weed out the fools, there are a series of tiebreakers: "What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever done?", to which anyone who answers "got drunk on lager and puked everywhere lol" will be eliminated; "Who would you share a curry with?", to which the wrong answer is "Lister"; "Who would you blast with a bazookoid?", to which the wrong answer is "Rimmer"; "Who would you marry in a GELF ceremony?", to which the wrong answer is "Kochanski"; and anyone who completes the sentence ""I want to record a Red Dwarf commentary track because..." with "I'm a smeghead! lol" will be shot immediately.
This is yet another innovation by the team, who are certainly not resting on their laurels, and are clearly eager to please the fans. But will the commentary tracks be worth listening to? If John or I am involved; yes. If not; no. Simple as that.
In a genuinely excellent move, BBC TWO are repeating an episode of Red Dwarf every bloody day over Christmas! The run, from 20th December to 2nd January, will take in the last three episodes of IV, all of V and damn near all of VI, with Out Of Time being omitted, because they've run out of, erm, space. The times vary; and the full list, subject to alterations, is on TOS.
Mr. Flibble has rather kindly interview Paul Augustine and Laura Palmer, two of the head honchos behind the Region One DVDs. According to Paul, comedy releases on each side of the Atlantic are the same. I'll just go and watch my extra-packed copy of Blackadder, shall I? I shouldn't mock; it's a good interview, and the American arm of BBC Worldwide seems more organised than ours.
And finally, TOS brings us news of a Christie's auction of Dwarf costumes. BASTARDS. We found out about this a week or so ago, but we needed to download a massive PDF file to get the details, and neither of us have broadband. We got a friend to download it for us, and John was going to write an article about it today. But that BLOODY BASTARD Ellard got there first. Gah!
Anyway, the Film & Entertainment auction is on December 16th, with viewings on the preceeding two days. The Dwarf lots are a Series VIII crew costume, Kochanski's red PVC number, The Cat's lovely yellow and black zebra-print (presumably a bee/zebra GELF) and a bazookoid. If I were a rich man, diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle diddle dum.
Comments
The fan commentary seems like a bit of an odd inclusion. It could be quite good, or it could have an extraneous amount of piffle on the audio track. "Well, I remember watching this scene in my living room. I was eating a bowl of onion cornflakes, for no particular reason."
If the latter were to be true, there's even a slight possibility they'll be equipped with Dibbley teeth for Back to Reality and bowls of raw coffee during Gunmen of the Apocalypse.
Posted by Austin Ross at December 5, 2003 10:35 PM
I personally wouldn't even bother listening to it. I don't think I could be bothered especially if it was some cock rambling and not really knowing anythin or some annoying goon who thinks they're the greatest RD fan on earth
They've only done it cos of Symes and Hoares commentary, I'd hit them for royalies boys! :D
Posted by Drzymala at December 5, 2003 10:39 PM
It is quite obvious that Symes and HOare must eb involved. I also think I have a huge amount to talk about. I knwo for a fact 8 tossers will get it and not me though.
i was pleased with my answers on the form though.
Posted by Cappsy at December 5, 2003 11:00 PM
If Ian and John aren't on it I'll be very annoyed. If they were on it that would be a VERY GOOD THING.
I'll fill in the form so I have another thing to sulk about not winning.
Posted by Darrell Jones at December 5, 2003 11:40 PM
Man, I put that I got drunk and puked on someone else's sportscar...but I got the rest of the questions right!
Posted by Tiffany Zeisler at December 6, 2003 07:10 AM
I want to do commentary for "Can't Smeg Won't Smeg" or "Legion". "Legion was the first episode I ever saw of "Red Dwarf".
Posted by Jessica Malcolm at December 6, 2003 09:56 AM
Do you actually have to like Red Dwarf?
Posted by Ed at December 6, 2003 11:03 AM
No - actually the more abusive you are about the programme on the application form, the more likely you'll be to get on, so good luck.
Bad would be if they only gave the 8 people one half hour chance to get the commentary right. Good would be if they gave them several chances so that they can edit together the best bits and remove every repetition of the word "smeg". And if they can edit out the parts where John does that weird high-pitched strained voice, further improvement is guaranteed.
Posted by Plainly Assembled at December 6, 2003 11:32 AM
John always does that noise when he gets excited about something, so I think editing it out will be impossible. I'm thinking about entering, but have to think of some good answers first.
Posted by Tanya Jones at December 6, 2003 02:27 PM
I don't think my voice is particuarly audiogenic. I can't actually listen to the commentaries we did without crying. Mind you, we should probably get round to doing some more, as they were great fun to do...
Posted by John Hoare at December 7, 2003 07:48 AM
I cant believe no one mentioned the repeats. Its excellent news for people like me who don't have them all on tape or whatever. Inquisitor on Christmas Eve, Terrorform on Christmas Day and Quarantine on Boxing Day - what a Christmas.
Posted by Ciaran at December 10, 2003 11:49 AM
Am I being really petty when I say that seeing as Dwarf is getting a decent DVD release, unlike a lot of great comedy shows, I'd have rather BBC TWO had decided to show something else, that wasn't as commercially successful?
Answer: yes. But still.
Posted by John Hoare at December 10, 2003 12:01 PM
https://www.ganymede-titan.info/news/pictures/494-495.png
https://www.ganymede-titan.info/news/pictures/496-499.png
I was going to do a news article on this, but I just haven't got time (I'm off to work in a sec, and am leaving for London tomorrow) - but there's the images (thanks to Tanya) from the PDF of the auction catalogue - at http://192.220.92.205/pdf/Auction17_final.pdf - which is quite interesting.
Posted by John Hoare at December 13, 2003 08:55 PM
I did the commentary with three others for "Back to Reality"
I think you guys may be missing the point, what I and the other three had to say wasn't anything earth shattering or brilliant and I'm sure most people wont be bothered listening to it.
The point is, it was a chance to meet the cast and to be a part of Red Dwarf if only in a small and pointless way. As for me, it was also an excuse to the wife to take 3 grand AU from our savings and have a 9 day Holiday in London. (GNP didnt pay, but that was already known to me)
I can't comment on specifics as it should be cleared with GNP first, but it was a fantastic day and worth every penny!!!
Oh and in my answers I did say share a curry with Lister, but everything else was original ;)
My suggestion is you practice up for Series 7 and 8! and good luck!
Posted by Jason Mercer at February 8, 2004 12:53 PM
The thing is, if all it was was a "day out for the fans", then it *would* all be a bit pointless - why not just do that anyway for the cast commentary sessions, and not bother with the fan commentary?
However, despite your protestations, I still think hearing what fans have to say about the show has the potential to make a great extra anyway. It doesn't need to have any earth-shattering comments to be great fun to listen to.
If it works - great. If it doesn't - it was a worthwhile experiment.
Posted by John Hoare at February 8, 2004 01:30 PM
I can't believe I've let this argument start up again.
Someone, please - shoot me in the head.
Posted by John Hoare at February 8, 2004 01:37 PM
#Ross has fixed it for you, for you and you and--
Ba-baba, bab-abab-abababa...#
Posted by Darrell Jones at February 8, 2004 03:49 PM
Yeah, shoot me an' all.
Posted by Darrell Jones at February 8, 2004 03:50 PM
Fair enuff John, it's just I had such a great day, was exited beyond belief to be a part of it and didnt want to make it sound like what we were doing was extremely important, it wasn't.
It was just a great fan oppurtunity, and I think you may enjoy listening to us prattle on for 30 minutes, if you can understand my acccent.
Posted by Jason Mercer at February 8, 2004 10:54 PM
Did you plead with the other commentators to throw a shrimp on the barbie, while you grabbed a tinnie from the tucker box?
Posted by Ian Symes at February 8, 2004 10:58 PM
Whilst wearing a hat with corks on and fisting a kangaroo?
Posted by Darrell Jones at February 8, 2004 11:58 PM
Umm shrimps on the barbie is a New South Wales thingy, Im from WA, we call em prowns and we just boil the bastards.
They woudn'lt let me drink beer in the box the bastards and I dont fist Kangaroos, I make love to them. :P
Posted by Jason Mercer at February 9, 2004 03:46 PM
Do you follow rugby, Jason?
Posted by Ian Symes at February 9, 2004 06:07 PM
When they get attacked by the Despair Squid, do you say "Oof! That's gonna hurt! That's gonna hurt in the morning, son!"?
Posted by Simon at February 9, 2004 08:35 PM
Honestly I cant remember what I said, yeah I was at a pub when England won.
Congratualtions...again......The win was good for Rugby etc etc.
You guys will NEVER let us forget, I coudnt believe all the memorials in London. Why don't you replace Nelson with Jonny Wilkinson and rename Trafalgar Square Rugby Suare? Under each of the Lions paws you could put a crushed Aussie player or something?
Posted by Jason Mercer at February 9, 2004 08:54 PM
Your lucky you missed the ritual Aussie crushing actually.
First time in England? Aussies only ever usually visit once.....
Posted by Cappsy at February 9, 2004 09:19 PM
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