Son of Cliché - Episode Guide

First published 23rd August 2003.

Introduction

In this document, the times given are as accurate as possible, and include introductions at the beginning and applause at the end. Most of the sketch titles here aren't official, but are a fairly sound means of identification, given that they are each cited at some point in the sketch. For the first series, each episode had a theme, and the title given reflects this. This frame was dropped for the second series, but each episode had either a 'guest host' or a recurring sketch, the name of which is given as the show's title. The exceptions to this are the last two episode, which just have to be difficult. Bah.

A1 - The Son of Cliché Magazine (23rd August 1983)

• Dedication - People who wander through parks... (0.00-0.37)
• Title Music (0.37-1.04)
• How To Meet More Girls - By Kidnapping Them (1.04-2.40)
• Twenty Golden Indian Restaurant Tracks (2.40-3.51)
• Fire Damaged Sale at Tipsoms Pet Shop (3.51-4.30)
• Macho Patrol (4.30-6.47)
• The News - Typist's Last Day (6.47-8.36)
• I Was Nearly A Beatle (8.36-9.09)
• Theatre Board/Hamlet auditions (9.09-12.11)
• Up North, we have a saying... (12.11-13.00)
• You Were My Inspiration (13.00-15.53)
• The Doctor Advises (15.53-16.45)
• You could walk down the street... (16.45-17.49)
• Police Methods - The Real Truth (17.49-20.26)
• Sports Extra - Cricket (20.26-21.46)
• Gardening Today (21.46-22.09)
• Henry of the Rangers (22.09-25.24)
• Credits - as read by Murray Walker (25.24-26.26)
• Continuity Announcers - drunk (26.26-27.31)

A2 - The Weird Dimension (30th August 1983)

• The programme has been taken over... (0.00-1.40)
• Butchers (1.40-1.53)
• BBC TWO on Sunday (1.53-2.05)
• Theme Music (2.05-2.59)
• Romulus (2.59-4.51)
• Time Travel (4.51-5.56)
• The Future (5.56-8.02)
• Music Medium (8.02-10.03)
• The Cosmos (10.03-12.28)
• Macho Patrol (12.28-14.28)
• Superbrain (14.28-16.37)
• Death (16.37-17.58)
• Celebrity Chess (17.58-19.50)
• Twenty Golden Indian Restaurant Tracks (19.50-20.51)
• Dave Hollins: Space Cadet - the strange planet you shouldn't really land on (20.51-24.30)
• Credits - in song (24.30-25.55)

A3 - This is Radio Four (6th September 1983)

• Before you switch wavelengths... (0.00-0.40)
• Theme Music (0.45-1.10)
• Consumer Report (1.10-4.06)
• Russell Harty and Bradley & Keeling (4.06-7.35)
• Trails (7.35-8.22)
• The Music They Play In Heaven (8.22-10.59)
• Yuppie (10.59-12.07)
• I'd Do Anything For Your Love (12.07-13.57)
• Adolescant Book Before Bedtime (13.57-16.01)
• Report from Edgbaston (16.01-16.42)
• Parents' Evening (16.42-18.53)
• Clive James (18.53-19.56)
• Bookshelf (19.56-21.05)
• Trail Trails (21.05-22.06)
• Captain Invisible - Attack of the Killer Automatic Transmission Specialists (22.06-25.36)
• Credits - paid for by the word (25.36-26.40)
• Herman Goering - This Is Your Life (26.40-27.10)

A4 - The Radio Nasty (15th September 1983)

• Piratevision Presents... (0.00-0.29)
• Theme Music (0.29-0.55)
• The Return Of The Man Who Kills Lots Of Chinese People (0.55-1.59)
• The Living Dead (1.59-3.46)
• Clark Von Dongleberry (3.46-5.06)
• Video Shop (5.06-6.41)
• Great Art Treasures Of Civilisation (6.41-8.34)
• 1983 British Academy of Pirate Video Awards (8.34-10.29)
• Jack Overture (10.29-14.46)
• Quimby - Police Vet (14.46-17.44)
• Pirate Video Kings Go Legal (17.44-18.10)
• Very Offensive Item (18.10-19.00)
• James Bond (19.00-19.29)
• McCullock (19.29-22.57)
• Speaking Pseudo-Intellectual (22.57-23.34)
• Building Site (23.34-25.37)
• Credits - Radio Nasty (25.37-26.55)
• Sexual Harassment At Work (26.55-28.21)

A5 - NASA Probe (21st September 1983)

• Man (0.00-1.25)
• Theme Music (1.25-1.51)
• Latin Joke (1.51-2.33)
• One Man and his Piranha Fish (2.33-3.08)
• Post Office (3.08-3.59)
• Final Assembley (3.59-5.53)
• Nationwide (5.53-8.11)
• Football Special (8.11-10.21)
• Take Me Back (10.21-12.55)
• PE Teacher (12.55-15.36)
• Stupid Man (15.36-18.12)
• New Stereo (18.12-18.56)
• Golf (18.56-21.05)
• The Holocaust Show (21.05-24.20)
• Credits - Political Debate (24.40-26.13)
• Continuity Announcer - Fling (26.13-28.14)

A6 - Hospital Radio (27th September 1983)

• A Seat At The Movies (0.00-0.42)
• Theme Music (0.42-1.08)
• No Agonised Shreaking (1.08-1.31)
• Fred Gorman (1.31-2.30)
• Heritage Coffee Table Book Club (2.30-3.31)
• Get Beaten Up In Leicester Square (3.31-4.05)
• The Detestables (4.05-5.08)
• Doctor's Rounds (5.08-7.16)
• Evans' Autos (7.16-8.04)
• Petrol Station (8.04-9.11)
• Old Yella (9.11-11.42)
• The Funkmaster (11.42-14.08)
• Alien at the Barbers (14.08-16.18)
• Phone-in (16.18-16.42)
• I've Got Nothing Better To Do (16.42-18.47)
• Psychic Cop (18.47-20.11)
• Hospital Sportsview (20.11-21.57)
• Diary of a Madman (21.57-24.22)
• Credits - David Coleman (24.22-26.01)
• Continuity Announcer - 'rather large' (26.01-27.31)

A7 - Nostrodamus (4th October 1983)

• Predictions (0.00-1.06)
• Theme Music (1.06-1.33)
• Lumpkin Land (1.33-5.20)
• Slapstickosis (5.20-9.02)
• Liberal Studies (9.02-11.05)
• Have A Bad Mood (11.05-13.11)
• Subliminal Messages (13.11-13.48)
• Boxing (13.48-15.53)
• Youth Opportunities Programme (15.53-18.14)
• Newsflash (18.14-19.51)
• Last Orders (19.51-21.49)
• The Twelve Caesars (21.49-25.16)
• Credits - in Lithuanian (25.16-27.02)
• No Continuity Announcement (27.02-28.47)

A8 - Royal Command Performance (11th October 1983)

In this episode, Steve Frost appears in place of Nick Maloney.

• About to begin... (0.00-1.06)
• Theme Music (1.06-1.38)
• Film '83 (1.38-5.08)
• Charlie Chuckle (5.08-8.16)
• Flasher (8.16-9.46)
• Science Tomorow (9.46-11.56)
• Intermission (11.56-13.08)
• Alphabet (13.08-14.43)
• Arsenal (14.43-15.49)
• Second Half (15.49-16.24)
• Tuning to Radio Four (16.24-17.49)
• Tongue Tied (17.49-19.37)
• Aerobics (19.37-21.44)
• Soviet Top of the Pops (21.44-24.49)
• Credits - Knocking on Heaven's Door (24.49-26.35)
• Continuity Announcer - No More Jokes (26.35-28.14)

B1 - Freddie Fortune (4th November 1984)

• A Field (0.00-0.24)
• Theme Music (0.24-0.50)
• The South Bank Show - photocopies (0.50-2.59)
• Freddie Fortune (1) (2.59-5.29)
• Customs (5.29-8.08)
• Profile - Sir Alexander Flare (8.08-12.31)
• Linda: The Story of an Elephant (12.31-13.01)
• Freshers - Indian Food/Exams (13.01-16.25)
• Freddie Fortune (2) (16.25-17.52)
• Ella: The Story of a Lioness (17.52-18.55)
• Captain Invisible - Coathangers From Outer Space (18.55-23.34)
• Freddie Fortune (3) (23.34-23.49)
• Credits - Final Report (23.49-25.24)
• Washer: The Story of a Chimpanzee (25.24-26.50)

B2 - Smorgen Borgen (10th November 1984)

• Divorce Sale (0.00-0.51)
• Theme Music (0.51-1.15)
• Dave Hollins: Space Cadet - NorWEB (1.15-4.50)
• Smorgen Borgen (1) (4.50-6.20)
• If I Don't Care For You (6.20-8.06)
• Interflora (8.06-10.13)
• Hard Cheese (10.13-12.31)
• Smorgen Borgen (2) (12.31-13.46)
• Captain Invisible - Attack of the Man-Eating Shoelaces (13.46-18.06)
• Bullseye (18.06-20.49)
• Freshers - The End of the Party (20.49-24.35)
• Smorgen Borgen (3) (24.35-25.10)
• Credits - Russell Harty (25.10-26.21)
• Continuity Announcer - accident (26.21-27.17)

B3 - Chip Harris (17th November 1984)

• Fully Automatic Camera (0.00-0.27)
• Theme Music (0.27-0.53)
• Asso: Spanish Detective - Louie the Smirk (0.53-4.27)
• Chip Harris (1) (4.27-7.20)
• Freshers - university is great (7.20-11.41)
• Air Egypt (11.41-12.56)
• Night Thoughts (12.56-15.41)
• Chip Harris (2) (15.41-16.43)
• Sergei Polinski (16.43-19.27)
• Captain Invisible - Attack of the Vegetarian Piranha Fish (19.27-23.51)
• Chip Harris (3) (23.51-24.30)
• Credits - Eddie Waring (24.30-25.57)
• Continuity Announcer's Mother (25.57-27.21)

B4 - David Coleman (24th November 1984)

• Austin Dernoid (0.00-0.41)
• Theme Music (0.41-1.04)
• Dave Hollins: Space Cadet - intruder (1.04-5.35)
• David Coleman (1) (5.35-6.59)
• George Simpson and Jim (6.59-10.02)
• David Coleman (2) (10.02-11.21)
• Contact Lens of Love (11.21-13.03)
• Captain Invisible - The Beast From 20,000 Hardwick Street (13.03-15.56)
• Shakespeare's Keegan and Toshack (15.56-19.41)
• Asso: Spanish Detective - Who killed Louie? (19.41-24.49)
• David Coleman (3) (24.49-25.33)
• Credits - John Cooper Clarke (25.33-26.40)
• Continuity Announcer - awards (26.40-27.36)

B5 - Father O'Flaherty (1st December 1984)

• The Amazing World (0.00-0.41)
• Theme Music (0.41-1.03)
• Freshers - Going to the Party (1.03-4.41)
• Dr. Fitzwilliam: Village Rectologist (4.41-7.21)
• Sky (7.21-10.19)
• The Doner Kebab (10.19-12.14)
• The Sweeney - Hansel and Gretel (12.14-15.12)
• Tarrus and Attaca (15.12-17.52)
• Father O'Flaherty (17.52-20.24)
• Captain Invisible - Planet of the People Who Think It's Really Cool To Wear White Shoes (20.24-25.25)
• Credits - Father O'Flaherty (25.25-26.43)
• Continuity Announcer - Captain Invisible (26.43-27.58)

B6 - International Bridge Tournament (8th December 1984)

• Computers (0.00-0.55)
• Theme Music (0.55-1.19)
• Profile: Skinny Ackroid (1.19-4.05)
• Malcolm Bumberry (4.05-5.46)
• Birth Video (5.46-7.56)
• International Bridge Tournament (1) (7.56-9.45)
• Asso: Spanish Detective - Brian (9.45-12.49)
• Speaking Clock (12.49-14.29)
• Thinking Dirty (14.29-15.29)
• Attack of the Killer Italian Y-Fronts (15.29-19.18)
• International Bridge Tournament (2) (19.18-21.14)
• Captain Invisible - The Day The Earth Got Acne (21.14-24.13)
• Credits - Fred Gorman (24.13-26.17)
• Continuity Announcer - transmitter problem (26.17-27.37)

B7 - Paul B. Davis (15th December 1984)

In this episode, Paul B. Davis appears in place of Chris Barrie.

• Canadian Ice Slideball Wrestling (0.00-1.07)
• Theme Music (1.07-1.29)
• Freshers - At the Party (1.29-4.48)
• Henry Cooper's Golden Belt (4.48-6.32)
• Asso: Spanish Detective - Frank Collyhurst (6.32-9.48)
• Profile: Sir Kevin Kevin Sir (9.48-11.50)
• National Socialism (11.50-14.30)
• Eve of Victory (14.30-17.09)
• Dave Hollins: Space Cadet - Volvo Wars (17.09-19.52)
• Captain Invisible - Invasion of the People Who Comb Their Hair Over To One Side To Cover Up The Shiny Bald Bit (19.52-25.07)
• No Credits (25.07-25.33)
• Continuity Announcer - dating (25.33-27.20)

B8 - The Final Episode (29th December 1984)

• Slimatronics (0.00-0.59)
• Theme Music (0.59-1.26)
• Asso: Spanish Detective - Gross Incompetence (1.26-5.41)
• Indiana Jones Goes To The Dentist (5.41-7.36)
• Dave Hollins: Space Cadet - enormous fat man (7.36-11.25)
• We're Buddies (11.25-13.14)
• Wedding Day (13.14-17.10)
• Madamoiselle (17.10-18.06)
• Captain Invisible - Journey to the Centre Of Town (18.06-22.36)
• Credits - Ronald Reagen (22.36-24.46)
• Continuity Announcer - Drug Abuse (24.46-26.49)